Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Today is Thanksgiving

Say not in grief that they are no more,
but in thankfulness that they were.
On Saturday just passed I saw the above quote on a memorial bench at Saltash Pass in Plymouth. It struck me as a beautiful saying, but a saying that is so hard to truly live up to. I am thankful that Anabelle was, but my grief and pain that she is no more on earth is great. I think it will be a long time before I am able to say not in grief that they  are no more.
I’m learning a lot about grief. After all I’m living it. Grief is unique, lonely, isolating, angry, crazy, up, down, physical. Grief is all these things and so many more.
Grief is most of all unpredictable. I never know when the next intense low is going to hit me or what the trigger might be. Of course there are the times, dates, occasions I know I’m going to find difficult, but there is always the unexpected too. In reality I cannot know how I’m going to feel from one day to the next. Forward planning is almost impossible; how am I supposed to know if I’ll be able to do it when the time comes. There have and will be cancellations. There is a fine balancing act going on at the moment between a good day and bad; a good day can so easily be tipped over.
There is no time limit on grief. There is a process, it can’t be rushed. Maybe some people think I should be feeling better by now, or whatever time. Newsflash - I will grieve for Anabelle for the rest of my life. Maybe not as intensely as I do now, but there will always be some new reminder of what she and we are missing, something new in her life that wasn’t to grieve for. Yes, the say not in grief bit is long long way off. Maybe forever off. But I can be and am so thankful that she was. That she is, in our heart, our family and in heaven.
Today the American’s are celebrating thanksgiving. The fourth Thursday in November. A day to think about the year that has passed us and what within it we have to be thankful for.
Today I am thankful that I am a mother to a beautiful daughter, a wife to a wonderful husband, a daughter to loving parents. I say in thankfulness that Anabelle is.


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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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