Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Monday, 23 May 2011

Dreaming of Death

The vivid dreams are continuing, although the theme is becoming ever more resolutely about death. This weekend I've dreamt that one of my cousins had died and one of my friends had died on the same day; I then started to worry that their funerals would also be on the same day and how I would get to them both if they were because one would be in Plymouth and the other in Carmarthen. As it was; in my ever crazy dreams, the funerals were a week apart, both on a Thursday. I've no idea why a Thursday, but it seemed a significant and important chosen day in my dream. 

I'm a bit concerned that my dreams are becoming so obsessed by death again. It makes for a very restless night. I suppose it is because I'm becoming obsessed again by death in my waking time too. Obsessed with the possibility of Bow dying, Jon dying, my parents dying, starting to relive the run up to events 'this time last year' just before Anabelle died. Death features heavily in my life so I guess it is only natural it is featuring heavily in my dreams. 

The last time things had got this bad it had only been a few weeks since Anabelle had died. Those dreams were especially horrible.  Jon had died and they had re-opened our grave. For some reason the men were taking Anabelle's coffin out of the grave to put Jon at the bottom and then to put Anabelle back on top. Only the man who had picked her up dropped her; the coffin lid came off and she fell out.  I woke up in a state. 

I know I am living my fears in my sleep and I don't know how to stop it. 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh I 'know' these dreams....they seem to occupy every sleeping moment. Think its totally normal to have dreams like this when pregnant....but because of what has happened in your life they seem to be magnified and never ending. I dont have the right words to make things better for you, I dont think the right words even exist. Sending my love and thoughts. xxx

Love, Shabbs xx

My New Normal said...

I can see why you are having them and I can see why they would be scary.

Perhaps you could try and do something to change your dreams. Think of a bunch of things right before you go to bed that you want to dream about. If that doesn't work than perhaps you can figure out a way to realize when you're dreaming and talk yourself down while in the dream. Telling yourself, this is just a dream, it's not real. Perhaps that would work???

Anonymous said...

I used to dream that either my husband and I were lost somewhere or that we had lost something outselves and were looking for it. I've always had nightmares and the odd night terror but the vivid pregnancy dreams are the worst, they stay with you so strongly in the daytime, unlike usual dreams and nightmares. I have no ideas to help stop them but just hope they will pass quickly for you. xxx JMC

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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