Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Thursday, 4 August 2011

The Parents We Want To Be

To explain the parents we want to be, lets give a  not so shining example of everything that is opposite to that. 

Who would want to be the parent who abandons their child in their greatest hour of need? Who would want to be the parent who is so bitter, twisted, selfish, childish that their own petty self-centered vendettas are more important to them than the death of their son's child? Who would want to be the parent who dares to criticize their son's child's funeral?  Who would want to be the parent who intentionally hurts their son just days and weeks after said son has just buried his child?  Who would want to be the parent who is proved to be totally selfish and unreliable during the absolute worst thing that could've happened to their son? 

Who would want to be the parent who puts their own needs and feelings first? Who, especially, would want to be the parent who is incapable of putting their grieving and heartbroken son first?  Who would want to be the parent who cannot take any responsibility for their nastiness but instead lays blame at everyone else's feet?   Who would want to be the parent who thinks 'blood' absolves them of everything, and that it gives them the right to treat their son how they like? 

Who would want to be the parent who has the audacity to seek out others to take below the belt cheap shots at their son's wife, the grieving mother of their sons dead child? Especially when said parent has proved themselves to have absolutely no conscience or moral fibre to be in the least bit self-righteous about.  Who would want to be the parent who cares so little that his son has been to hell and back many times in the last 12 months but instead harbours on with the same old and boring vendetta? 

Who even thinks this person sounds like any sort of person who has the right to call themselves a 'father' at all? Such titles are earnt after all, not given. It makes my blood boil that my beautiful husband grieves his loss of expected fatherhood when such undeserving lowlifes still see fit to abuse theirs.

Who would want to be a parent who is so obviously poisonous?

No-one?  Thought so. 

I really could go on and on. The list of abuse is quite endless. 

Our beautiful Anabelle, Alexander and any other children we have in the future will NEVER be subject to such behaviour from us. 

There is absolutely nothing that could happen in our children's lives that would result in them being treated so appallingly by us, their own parents. Our babies will always be secure in the knowledge, (as I am with my own parents - see Father's Day), that we will always put them, their needs and feelings first, we will support them in everything, we will never abandon them; regardless of situation or how old they or we might be.

Our babies will know nothing but our love, we will be selfless for them for the entirety of their lives. 

Our babies will know we will never intentionally cause them any hurt or distress, and in fact will do our utmost to remove all hurt and distress from their lives, taking any burden on for them that we can. And if, God forbid we did cause our children even the slightest of hurt we would be man enough to admit and do everything in our power to rectify our wrongdoing to them. God forbid my babies experience anywhere near the same level of grief and heartbreak we have; but if they do we will wrap them up so tightly to protect them from everything that we possibly can.  In all situations our babies will be secure in the knowledge that we will protect them.

Our babies will know we will be their constant and when everyone else has gone they can ALWAYS rely on us. Our babies will know they can turn to us about anything and we will be there. 

Our babies will know there is far more to being good parents and family than 'blood' and that said 'blood' does not equal the right to treat them in any way other than the right way.  Our children will know that love, respect and trust is a two way process, between both parents and child. And that we, their parents, regardless of 'blood' must earn these things from them based on how we treat them and our actions.  

I want our babies to have high expectations of us; because they deserve the very best.  

Our babies will never experience poison at the hands of us, we will never allow anyone poisonous to be anywhere near them. 

Anyone can father a child, all that takes is a sperm.  But it takes a real man to stand up and take responsibility and love their child unconditionally for the rest of their lives. It takes a real man to put their child first even through into adulthood, providing support until their dying day. Parenting; being 'Daddy' (or 'Mummy') does not stop at 18. Your babies never really stop needing you.

Abandoning even a grown up child is abhorrent. Whatever the circumstances. Particularly low life when the circumstances are the death of your child's baby. It is astounding really isn't it, that such unbelievably selfish people in such circumstances even exist.

Jon already is, and will always be millions of times over the 'father' he has had the unfortunate experience and example of.  Jon already is and will always be millions of times over the husband example he grew up with. 

We know we will be good parents because above all else our love for our babies will always be unconditional . Everlasting. Precious. 


Anonymous said...

Unconditional love is something all parents should feel towards their offspring. We know this isn't the case in some families and it is heartbreaking. But bitterness causes resentment where I think we should choose to move on and look forward.

You're a credit to your family. This was a beautiful post.
CJ xx

Nanny Davies/ julie said...

You and Jon will make the very best parents.
Your post shows how much love is in you both and it is all around you from your loving friends and family. The person who has hurt you and Jon, is not worth thinking about, he has never been able to show real love, he seems incapable of that emotion. Jon and you have all the love you need to give each other, and your children in the many happy years to come for you both.

Anonymous said...

One of the most difficult things that has come out of the loss of our son is the realisation that some of the people who are related to us are basically just awful, the are lots of words to describe them; selfish, self centred, ignorant, inept, unsupportive, mean, I could go on (& usually do at some length!)

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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