Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Sunday, 9 October 2011

A, Z and Middle Letters

Why have I been up and awake since 6.00am this morning? I guess partly because that is when Jon disturbed me by coming to bed (he'd fallen asleep on the sofa earlier on in the night). Maybe it is anticipation for the hugeness of this week. Maybe its because I've been feeling increasingly uncomfortable over the last few days. 

Friday night saw me back in hospital overnight again. The Doctor decided to be over-cautious with me; really I felt fine. I'd gone in as normal for my daily monitoring. Nothing has really changed since I've been discharged. Each day I've gone up; there have been evidence of tightenings, pre-labour symptoms but nothing hugely significant, the hospital continuously saying I have the potential to go on my own before induction day. Anyway,  the only thing that really matters on these traces is that our boy is happy. 

Friday the midwife who was looking after us was concerned that the frequency of the tightenings had increased slightly, even though they were not really bothering me any more than they had been since I was discharged. I'd become accustomed to the mild period type pain that accompanies them now and all the other little niggles. 

However the midwife decided that the Doctor needed to examine me before she could allow me to go home, just incase I was on the verge of a real labour.  The Doctor examined me and sometime over the last week or so it appears my cervix has started to dilate, after being tightly shut when I was on the ward. 

Only to 1cm - don't get too excited, there is no imminent labour or birth. But it was enough for the Doctor to decide to keep me in overnight for observation just incase things progressed further. 

The only thing that has progressed is the level of pain, Nothing like an examination to aggravate things and encourage things along I suppose. The mild period pain has increased to moderate, there more than its not, joined by an awful lower back ache that seems to radiate around my entire lower torso.

Although we're on a slow burner it appears; for all the hospitals thoughts of potential we'll be hanging on until at least Tuesday and my induction to nudge me over into something real I'm sure! Hopefully though, all this aggravation and start of dilation will make for a quick induction; but then anything is quick compared to the five days Anabelle made me wait after hers! 

Positive thoughts; 1cm down means only 9cm to go...

Anyway, as I was awake and pondering I thought a quiz to pass the time was in order; because of course I'm sure the A-Z of me is particularly interesting! Indulge me. 

ANORAK…Do you have a sad side?   As in collect anything or have geek like tendencies? No. My husband has enough geek in him for the both of us. Currently the obsession is Lego Technic and his up and coming new iphone!   I suppose my sad side is my obsession with organisation and planning. I NEED things to be done and ready; as evidenced by being very particular about the way paperwork is done in work and the blinkered focus on getting this house ready for our baby. I cannot relax until some things are done in a particular way.  Jon says I bite into things and will not let go until its finished! 

BODY…What physical attribute would you most like to change?  Ask me again 6 months plus post-birth! It'll be a more accurate answer! 

CELEBRITY…Which one would you most like to date and why?  Oh I don't know about date, but currently finding Gary Barlow quite pleasing on the eye during the tiny bits of X-Factor we're bothering to watch.  Can't get into XF this year. Strictly Come Dancing on the other hand is Autumnal indulgence!  

DEBUT …Tell us about your first ever blog post. What made you start blogging? The death of our little girl. Reaching a point of total collapse, out of the shock and into the big black hole of reality. Discovered blogging and writing has since become my tool of figuring out and piecing together my thoughts. Post One: Life 

ERROR …What’s been your biggest regret?  The decision that made me wait and see how things were in the morning before I contacted the hospital regarding Anabelle's reduced movements. My little girl died overnight. If I'd made a better decision maybe she would've been saved. My forever guilt. 

FUNNY – who’s making you laugh? Right now? Fiz, nutter-cat running around the house routine. Anything to get my attention, she wants to be fed. Very adorable! I doubt anyone else but Jon or I find this very funny though! 

GRAND…If we gave you one right now what would you spend it on?  How sad is it that I can't think of a single thing I would want to buy right now?! When I have a house big enough for one I would probably put it towards the beautiful ivory white upright piano that I'd love. 

HOLIDAY… What’s your favourite destination?   I've not visited many places in the world really but my favourite holidays have been Ireland, Isle of White, Lake District and our honeymoon in St Lucia. Beautiful. All on my list of places to go again. 

IRRITATE… What’s your most annoying habit?  Jon would probably say making a mess of the toothpaste. His on the other hand is leaving dirty socks all around my living room wherever he feels like taking them off! 

JOKER…Whats your favourite joke {the one that makes you laugh everytime you hear it}?  I'm rubbish at jokes. I so often just do not get it. 

KENNEL… Do you have any pets?  My fur-baby Fiz. 

LOVE…Are you single, married, engaged, living with a long term partner?  Married. 2 years and 2 months. 

MEAL… Whats your ultimate starter, main and dessert?   Starter: Potato Shells filled with Bacon and Chesse and a sour cream dip.  Main: Steak - medium rare. (oh how I look forward to one of these post-birth!). Dessert: hmmm haven't got a favourite dessert as such; usually whatever takes my fancy off the menu. 

NOW…If you could be anywhere right now where would you be and who with?  The hospital, with Jon, in labour already! 

OFF DUTY…What do you do in your spare time?  Blog, Facebook, Babs, Mumsnet.  The virtual world is my down-time. I can only imagine how much that might be changing soon!  Spare time becomes constant Mummy nap-time yes?! 

PROUD MOMENTS …What are you most proud of?  Cliche I know but my beautiful babies. I am completely in awe that they are both part of Jon and I. How can the two most beautiful little people belong to us? I remember holding Anabelle and being totally mesmerised that she was my baby. Its a feeling I cannot put into words, and ok I haven't met Alexander quite yet, but I just keep looking at his 3D scan and thinking wow. 

QUEASY …What turns your stomach?  Currently blood. Don't know what's wrong with me, but at the moment the sight of blood is making be a little bit queasy. Its a new thing and I can only hope pregnancy related! 
RELAX…How do you relax?  Sofa and laptop usually! A bit of telly and the odd bubble bath thrown in for good measure! 

SONG…Whats your favourite song of all time?  Because of the memories, our wedding song; Greatest Day by Take That. Mushy I know, but every time I hear it I get goosebumps. I love the first chord of a pieece of music can do that.  

TIME …If you could go back in time and relive it again, when would you choose?  Uni. I'd love to scrap year 2 and do it all again. This time with no-one hurting me enough to nearly make me quit and having the foresight to have stayed away in the place. I so wasted year 2 being broken-hearted, ill and needing a lot of looking after. Without my Mum and the boys (with their mashed potato, cod and peas)  I wouldn't be a teacher today. 

UNKNOWN…Tell us something about yourself that no one else knows?  um... I'm trying to think about something that no-one else knows. I'm quite heart of my sleeve, not many secrets here. 

VOCAL…. Who is your favourite artist?  Don't know about favourite but currently admiring Lady Gaga. I think she is very talented and a great show woman. I may not love all her music, but its refreshing when artists are able to write for themselves and have such imagination. I'd love to see her live.   Makes XF and everything rolling off there year after year look more and more like "professional karoke singers" as Jon likes to call them! 

WORK….. What is your dream job, and are you doing it now?  Being a Mummy. I'm so nearly there. My life aspirations were a very traditional; be a good wife, mother and teacher. I hope I am.  

XRAY…Any broken bones? Not sure if it actually broke, but my wedding finger got crushed in a door the day my sister was born. It still has a little lump on it now. I remember sitting in A&E and it being strapped up for a few weeks! 

YIKES…What’s been your most embarrassing moment?  I obviously haven't been embarrassed enough because I can't think of a single thing that really matters in the greater scheme of things.  How about this story. Although I can hardly call it my most embarrassing moment!

I remember being about 6. It was a rainy day and my Mum had sent me off to school in welly-boots and my raincoat so I could splash in the puddles. A dinner lady on the other hand took great offence to splashing in the puddles with welly-boots on and I had a big telling off and was made to go and stand by the wall for the rest of playtime.  That was 'embarrassing' and upsetting at the time, mainly confusing. Mum had told me to wear welly-boots and enjoy the puddles... I didn't understand what the dinner ladies problem was. It is the one time being in trouble as school that has stayed with me since!     

Obviously the Foundation Phase and opportunities to explore the outdoor learning environment were not the buzz at the time! Funny how we actively take children out to splash in puddles now if appropriately dressed! My Mum must've been forward thinking or something, but puddles must've been considered bad news in school in 1991! 

ZOO…. If you were an animal, which one would you be?  A cat. They seem to have a good life of copious amount of sleep, food and fuss! 


Anonymous said...

Regarding your comment on mum being forward thinking. I was always ahead of my time, didn't you know, I was an older mum, now very normal and what's wrong with splashing in puddles, we used to have lots of fun doing. xx

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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