Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Jar of Awesomeness 2013

2013. Another year.

I remember the first time I posted about the new year I was bereft that we were leaving the year Anabelle had been born. I wasn't ready for it to be 'last year' that my daughter died. Now we're going into the fourth year since my daughter died. In June it will be four years. It still amazes me we live, we love and we survive this world after Anabelle.

2013 has been a year of huge ups and downs. Last January I wanted the years goal to be healthier in my grief. Did it happen? Maybe partly. Mostly no.  This year I overcame some enormous milestones since Anabelle; I held other peoples babies, I became Godmother to a beautiful girl, but I also completely crumbled for a while. Utterly broken and hurting beyond what I could bear. Raw grief resurfaced as if we had lost her yesterday. Despite talking about counselling in January, it took an emotional breakdown to really push me there in the summer. So I've been back in counselling and will be back in again during 2014 in the approach to June. I've realised there will be times throughout my life where I will need extra emotional support to pull me through. It will always be like this.

But there has been plenty to celebrate in 2013. Namely, of course, our beautiful little Zachary becoming the latest addition to our family. 

Last January I started 'The Morgan's Jar of Awesomeness', every time some beautiful moment happened, or a special day, or a must not forget memory occurred, I've written it down on a scrap piece of paper and added it to the jar of awesomeness. 

These were our special moments this year.


  • 1st - My family playing peekaboo with Xander. He kept shouting 'boo' back and shrieking with laughter. My beautiful happy baby. 
  • 15th - Xander waving at his sister's photo and trying to copy me saying 'Belle' *heart* 
  • 28th - Xander having a sudden burst of confidence 'standing up' - If I asked him to 'up up' he climbed to his feet, let go and looked at me as if to say 'Look Mummy, no hands'. Very proud of himself shouting 'yay' before sitting down again to give himself a clap! 
  • 8th - Xander walking from car to house holding my hand! 
  • 10th - Xander screaming in the right place for the crocodile while we were singing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' 
  • 13th - Xander looking towards Belle's photo when asked where she is. 
  • 14th - Valentine's Day at Parc Playcentre.
  • 15th - Xander walking from car into the services at Reading - all around holding hands and didn't want to be carried! 
  • 18th - Xander's first independent step. Mini egg incentive! One step, then a wobble and fall.  16 months old. 
  • 27th - Belle's story in the newspapers following welsh assembly's report into stillbirth. Interview by the Western Mail, The Argus and on Real Radio. 
  • 27th - Xander taking his first 3-4 steps on his own. Aged 16 and a half months. 
  • 27th - New baby words - Nana, Bampi and Byebye. 
  • 5th - BFP for baby #3! What a surprise! 
  • 14th - Chris and Pui roadshow in Porthcawl. Show Me Show Me on Xander's half birthday. 
  • 24th - First time seeing baby blob #3 (and we've been together for 7 years today!) 
  • 27th - A sneaky extra scan. Baby blob measuring 6+2 weeks. So happy to be dated and a Christmas due date baby! (Approx 19th Dec) 
  • 28th - Lots of sloppy wet, very very lovely, opened mouthed kisses from Xander on demand. Heart melt moments! 
  • 15th - Another scan with Mini M #3. Measuring 9+0 weeks. 
  • 20th - Icecream and play at Roath Park. 
  • 30th - Xander noticing bump already and patting it and laying his head on it! 11+1 weeks pregnant. 
  • 4th - Sunny evening picnic at Tredegar House, playing bubbles in the park and Xander saying 'bubble'.
  • 10th - Xander pointing out all the little mice when asked where they were in his 'That's not my elephant' book.
  • 10th - Xander looking after his baby doll like we look after him. Patting bottom, stroking head and trying to share his dummy to help her sleep. Lots of 'Awww' cuddles too. *heart* 
  • 13th - Finished outdoor play patch!
  • 14th - Xander trying to keep up with the actions for Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. 
  • 14th - Xander enjoying his play patch and sandpit! 
  • 14th  - Xander playing 'boo' with himself in the mirror.
  • 14th - Another scan. Beautiful clear picture of one happy wriggly baby. Even waved at us! Official due date 15th December 2013. 13+5 weeks pregnant. 
  • 15th - Sands memorial service, meeting another Mummy with an angel called Anabelle. 
  • 15th - Watching Lilo and Stitch. "This is my family, little and broken, but still good." 
  • 22nd - Xander singing along to Twinkle Twinkle! 
  • 26th - One very clear 'Mummy' from Xander! Aged 20 months. 
  • 2nd - A lovely day with Xander and hearing baby blob's heartbeat at 16 week midwife appointment. 
  • 5th - Holding someone else's baby for the first time in three years. 
  • 6th - Xander being so besotted with baby Katie. Lots of kisses for her. 
  • 7th - Katie's Christening and being Godmother. 
  • 8th - Xander jumping up and being shocked by the pop up page in his Ten Friendly Fish book! Wish I'd caught it on camera!
  • 18th - Graduating again, with Merit, for my Diploma of Professional Development in SEN. 
  • 25th - Another scan. Mini M #3 is a boy! Zachary Stephen. 
  • 29th - Xander dancing! 
  • 26th July - 4th August - Awesome family holiday in Plymouth. Xander's favourite things were: a peacock at Dartmoor Zoo, swimming, jellyfish at the aquarium, the slide at softplay, hens and goats and little Flitwick owl at Totnes Farm, the train, Kwazzi the Octonaut and playing on the beach. Perfect time! 

  • 6th - Xander wibbling side to side when he points to the jellyfish in his Ten Friendly Fish book. 
  • 8th - Zac wriggling around enough and kicking hard enough for us to see and Daddy to feel for the first time. 21+4 weeks pregnant. 
  • 9th - An invite to 10 Downing Street. Totally amazed and wowed to be invited to a Sands reception in London at 10 Downing Street. So excited and in awe at the the reach of Belle's little life. Will be going in November when very very pregnant! Such a proud Mummy! 
  • 10th - Mr Blooms Big Day out at Margam Park. Xander loved everything. Totally mesmerised by Mr Bloom in person and loved dancing by the cBeebies stage. 
  • 14th - Day trip to Bristol Zoo with Xander, Mum and Dad. Xander's favourite things were the bubbles in the fish tanks and some animatronic dinosaurs! 
  • 14th - Buying my boys matching rainbow cardigans! 
  • 21st - Another scan and seeing Zac again. Measuring spot on and a very good reassuring appointments. Agreed a 37/38 week section.
  • 26th - Jon coming swimming with us and Xander loving 'teddy float surf boarding' with Daddy. Big beaming smiles!
  • 26th - Visit to Cardiff miniature railway. Xander and Daddy mesmerised by the model trains!
  • 27th - Amazing surprise present from Jon. My own new Apple Macbook Air! So spoilt! 
  • 30th - Xander knowing which animal is which on his farm.
  • 1st - and which zoo animal is which in his duplo!
  • 7th - Xander feeling Zac move for the first time. Jumping up and looking at my tummy! 
  • 7th - Xander joining in the wheels on the bus song with 'beep beep beep' 
  • 14th - Finally calling me Mummy properly and consistently! 23 months old. *heart*
  • 16th - Legoland! 
  • 21st - Dad's 60th birthday. Steam train day out and Gruffalo trail! 
  • 23rd - Ace swimming lesson with Xander. Jumping off the side stood up for the first time.
  • 24th - Xander's word count - 62 words!
  • 26th - Watching Xander play with Nana and Bampi 
  • 26th - Doing farm puzzles with Xander and him knowing all the sounds the animals make!
  • 28th - 4D Scan day with Zac. A little mini-image of Xander. 
  • 5th - Watching Enchanted with Xander and ball dancing around the living room with him!
  • 6th - Retweeted by Ola Jordan (Strictly Come Dancing) 
  • 10th - Watching Xander play 'blow' the lights out game. 
  • 13th - Xander's colourful soft play birthday party! 
  • 14th - Xander's 2nd birthday. His favourite birthday things; 'wow' at his rocket , driving the car at the Safari park, loving the elephants, pretend play in his new kitchen, birthday tea and amazing cake! 
  • 14th - Xander's birthday card getting on to cBeebies! 
  • 20th - Xander's first three word sentence. 'Cow say moo' while doing his farm puzzles. 
  • 20th - Reading 'We're Going on a Bear Hunt' three times in a row. Xander saying 'again' when we got to the end and trying to join in his new favourite story! 
  • 23rd - Setting csection birthday date for Zac for the 29th November. 
  • 23rd - Exploring Autumn with Xander at the boating lake. 


  • 1st - Afternoon tea with Sorreya at the Hilton
  • 1st - Xander playing 'changing bottoms' with his bunny and putting a nappy on it!
  • 2nd - Making a toy cupboard!
  • 2nd - Xander naming shapes as he plays with his shape sorter independently. (Triangle, Square, Circle) 
  • 5th - Xander's first fireworks and sparklers!
  • 7th - Painting with Xander 
  • 9th - Xander doing his Noah puzzles nearly all by himself (18 pieces) 
  • 14th - Xander gardening with Bampi
  • 15th - Baking with Xander! 
  • 16th - Xander running around my parents house for 10 minutes playing circuits of 'boo' 
  • 19th - Sands reception at 10 Downing Street! Wow Belle! 
  • 23rd - Cheeky Monkey's soft play with Xander
  • 24th - Reading 'Guess How Much I Love You to Xander, all cuddled up in bed. 
  • 24th - Decorating the tree with Xander
  • 26th - Our beautiful son, Zachary Stephen, born screaming and safely! 
  • 29th - Taking Zac home.
  • 30th - My boys together. Xander being a beautifully loving big brother! *heart* 
  • 1st - Zac breastfeeding well. A much better start than with Xander and feeling very different this time around. 
  • 2nd - Xander saying 'love you Mummy' back to me! 
  • 8th - Zac getting better and coming home from hospital again! 
  • 9th - Zac definitely better! Amazing weight gain in just a few days from 7'2 to 7'11! 
  • 9th - Watching Xander scooter to the park and pushing Zac in the pram for the first time! 
  • 10th - First Rainbow babies meet with both boys.
  • 10th - Registering Zac officially! 
  • 10th - Reuben John Villars is born. A little nephew! 
  • 10th - Mum finally meeting Zac! 
  • 12th - Xander knowing the colours red, green and blue. 
  • 15th - Celebrating Zac's due date! 
  • 16th - Meeting Reuben! 
  • 17th - Zac's first visit to Belle and decorating for Christmas. 
  • 21st - Father Christmas train trip with boy, super special! 
  • 22nd - Zac and Xander playing playmat together. *heart* 
  • 25th - Christmas 2013. One very excited Xander! 
  • 28th  - Christmas jumper party at Sorreya's
  • 31st - All the Villars' together for the New Year. 

One hundred and twenty one awesome moments recorded this year. With plenty more besides that wouldn't have been noted down. Reading back on all of these just highlights how our children are our world. For all the pain threaded throughout our lives without Belle, Xander and Zac are our focus, our pleasure, our joy in it all. Thank goodness for our rainbows and their total awesomeness. Here's to many more beautiful moments in 2014. Wishing everyone a happy and blessed new year. 

"This is my family, little and broken, but still good."

Sunday, 8 December 2013

Zachary's Birthday

Originally my section date was Friday 29th November, but after my little stint in hospital with the infection at 35 weeks and my subsequent wobbly meltdown that week my consultant moved section day to Tuesday 26th November when I would be 37+2 weeks. She wanted to get me to 37 weeks and Tuesday was the earliest elective section day at the hospital.  Only a few days difference but a few days less to cope all the same!

So the weekend before we spent enjoying Xander on his own for the last few days. Took him to soft play, treated him, extra cuddles and fuss, started Christmas for him by decorating the tree early with him (as I didn’t think I would be up to it until practically Christmas day after the section!) Just felt all emotional about changing his entire world all weekend and kept looking at him swelling with pride and love for the special boy he is and the special two years we’ve had with him.

Then Monday I had my pre-op and it suddenly started feeling very real! I was very nervous Monday night which I hadn’t expected at all. I didn’t sleep very well and was basically awake from 4.00am.

Tuesday we arrived at the hospital at 7.30am as told to and then was told I was second on the list, so earliest I would be going in would be 10-10.30am, which did nothing for my nerves, as three hours at this point felt like eternity. We were put in a side room off the main waiting area in maternity and basically left to our own devices most of the time. They had a quick listen in to baby, did my obs, gave me my sexy stockings and gown and then just left us to it for what felt like years! The surgeon and anaesthetist popped in to say hello and said they would accommodate as much of my birth plan as they could (e.g. Jon seeing him be born, photos, skin to skin etc) as long as all was well.

Last picture as a bump!
Fear really started to get the better of me and I spent the whole morning obsessing about Zac’s movements and poking and prodding him. I was convinced we were going to lose him at the last hurdle. Completely irrational but the wait was not helping my anxiety at all.

Luckily my best friend had a scan at the hospital that morning, so when she text at 9.45am to see if I’d gone in yet and hadn’t she popped by to see us for a while. That really broke the rest of the time up and she spent about 45 minutes with us, but it was 10.30am now and I still hadn’t gone down to theatre!

I was finally called into theatre at 11.00am and there was a very nice reassuring team who did a great job of calming me down, and they just got on with it all straight away. I had been really nervous of the spinal block but I barely noticed it! The anaesthetist was amazing and it was just done before I really knew about it, so obviously very good at his job!

He talked to us throughout the operation, explaining what was happening, why things were taking as long as they were at any point, reassuring me that I was ok and what he was doing at each point. At one point I thought it was taking too long and something must be wrong, remembering that Xander was born three minutes from first incision and we were definitely over that, but he explained with an elective they can take their time a bit more so it would take a little longer for him to be born.

Given straight to Mummy 
And then they said he was coming, lowered the screen and Jon saw (and took photos!) of Zachary being just born! Nine minutes from first incision,  finally we heard our little man scream and the relief was overwhelming. Zachary Stephen, born at 11:44 am on 26th November 2013 weighing a miniature 7lb 9oz compared to his brothers 8lb 13oz when born exactly a week earlier!  And the very best bit of all is that I got immediate skin to skin with him. Jon said I was absolutely beaming the whole time he was on my chest! It was beautiful and just perfect... He kept making little squeaking noises and nuzzling into my face – trying to latch onto my cheek!

Unfortunately the section itself wasn’t as straight forward as we would have hoped, although initially cuddling Zachary on my chest I was too focussed on him to really take in what was going on with me. They thought they had nicked my bladder so had to put blue dye in it to see if anything leaked, thankfully it didn’t and that was all intact. But blood loss was an issue and I felt quite frightened for a while afterwards in recovery. In the initial surgery they decided to leave a drain in because they weren’t happy with the blood loss, then in recovery they kept checking me/changing me as I was soaking through bed pad after bed pad quite quickly and the surgeon applied pressure dressings to try and get on top of things, a little while after that I was put on a drip of something too to contact everything and try and reduce the blood loss.

Zac and Daddy
At one point taking me back into theatre was mentioned and I felt really really panicked, all the while the Dr and Jon reassuring me that I was ok and it was going to be ok but the blood loss and aftershock of surgery/drugs was starting to affect me and I wasn’t feeling so well.

Luckily they got it under control but instead of going straight up to the post-recovery ward as I was told would happen they moved me back to delivery ward next to theatre just incase. I had to remain nil-by-mouth too, and by this point I was feeling woozy and really really parched because I’d already been nil-by-mouth for 12 hours and couldn’t even have a sip of water. It was a long day.

 I was finally allowed to start having tiny occasional tiny sips of water to wet my mouth at 3.00pm and 7.00pm they let me try a bit of toast, which made me feel very sick so they had to give me more anti-sickness meds.

Zachary Stephen
Zac's first feed
Another lovely moment was Zac’s first feed about two hours after he was born. I was desperate for it to be sooner this time, but unfortunately with them all working on me for a while and concentrating on getting it all under control we had to wait until they were happy and I was feeling a bit better again. But even though he had had to wait two hours it was a lovely moment; unlike Xander who wouldn’t latch and ended up having his first colostrum expressed via syringe, Zac latched beautifully and we had a gorgeous 10 minute Mummy milk cuddle.

I was still on delivery ward at 5.00pm but luckily Xander was allowed to come out to the hospital. They did a great job of taking me off some of the bleeping machines and hiding other wires so nothing would frighten him. I really needed to see him and really wanted him to meet his brother they day he was born. It was gorgeous. He was excited to see the baby and peeked over the cot at him then gave him lots and lots of kisses and cuddles. He was also very pleased with all the presents Zac had bought for him!

I was thrilled it had gone so well, but visiting me the next two nights was really hard. He was less interested in Zac and just not himself, very unsettled not understanding why he couldn't climb on me or sit on my lap or give me proper cuddles and sobbed when it was time to leave me – which left me a sobbing mess too hearing his cry Mummy all the way down the corridors.

My Rainbow Boys

My Rainbow Family
It wasn’t until 9.00pm the night Zac was born that they decided I was well enough to be transferred upstairs to post-op care ward on maternity.  It had been a very long day and the next day wasn’t much better, when the drain and pressure bandages were removed. The drain coming out was possibly the most painful experience of my life, I absolutely howled and they had to get me gas and air to barely cope with it. I would be absolutely terrified of having one of those again.

Generally I’ve recovered much more slowly this time, and the pain has been unbearable at times.  We came home on the Friday afternoon, but by Saturday night I was coping so badly with the pain (coupled with a cold and cough making everything worse and excruciating every time I needed to cough) I was weeping all over Jon and sobbing down the phone to an out of hours Doctor at midnight asking for something stronger than the paracetomal and ibuprofen I’d been sent home with as painkillers. They told me to take co-codomol with ibuprofen instead and after half a day I actually felt more together than I had in days, and just generally more in control.

A week later, I finally started to feel like I’d turned the corner and felt much more like myself. Still sore, but totally manageable now whereas over the weekend everything had been just too much. Unsurprising when you’ve been given headache tablets to take as pain relief from major abdominal surgery! I’m positive I was on co-codomol from day one with Xander, so I’m confused as to why I had much less pain relief initially this time around. Day 12 and I haven't taken any painkillers for 24 hours, and feel like I can play properly with Xander again, so I'm definitely coping better now! 

Zac is just beautiful and totally worth it. He seems so teeny tiny compared to Xander as a newborn, but identical too. The first day I kept looking at him and having to remind myself what year is was and which baby it was. It is like turning the clock back in some ways. I see lots of similarities between all of my babies. Infact I think Zac looks even more like Belle than Xander did, because he is smaller and has such delicate features. He keeps pulling what I call a ‘Belle’ face and it is like looking at her. Beautiful but very bittersweet.

I still can’t believe I had a 7 pounder, I was convinced the last scan estimate must be completely wrong and he would be nearer to 9 pound like his brother was. But the last scan was more or less spot on when they said he was about 7lb 4oz four days before he was born! Since birth he has dropped to 7lb 2oz, and with him being poorly at a week old we haven't seen a weight gain yet. He really does feel absolutely skinny and tiny in my arms and just a beautiful ball of newborn baby! 

We’re hopefully getting there with the feeding now. After his first feed he wasn’t as good and spent day one and two having a mix of me, expressed colostrum via syringe and tiny amounts of formula via syringe to stablise his blood sugars which were very up and down. His tiny heels are still covered in the constant puncture marks from doing blood tests. But Zac was trying really hard and day three something seemed to click and he fed really well for a few days and we didn’t need to do top-ups anymore. Then of course it all went wrong when he was poorly and readmitted to hospital mid-week last week and needing a few feeds of expressed milk via NG tube. But he's turned the corner again and feeding well again now and we were discharged again today.

More than anything I’m still thrilled his first feed was cuddled up with me and that we’ve been breastfeeding for nearly two weeks and mostly its been a better start than last time, in that apart from when being unwell, Zac seems to have more of an instinct in what to do and has learnt to latch! 

We originally came home on Friday 29th November, my original section date and it was lovely. Walking out of hospital with him was as overwhelming as it had been with Xander, the feeling of having ‘made it’ and my baby leaving hospital with me is something I can’t quite describe. Xander settled right down again when we were home and seems smitten with his baby brother. He keeps demanding cuddles and wants to hold him all of the time. Keeps going over to him to share his toys with him, give him kisses and fuss. It is beautiful to watch and making my heart melt. I’m so so proud of what a loving wonderful big brother he is being, and love them both so much. 

Leaving hospital!

We're all home!

I'm really going to enjoy being Mummy to two rainbow boys, Zac has fitted right into our family and we really have been doubly blessed with two very precious sons. 

My special boys :)

A Poorly Zachary

I had a comment on my last post this morning, asking for Zachary's birth story! 

This has been sitting typed on my laptop for almost a week, but unfortunately I haven't been able to post it due to little Zac being readmitted to hospital only four days after he came home. So it is difficult to know where to start first, birth story or subsequent hospital stay! I'll start with hospital stay and post about his birthday a bit later! 

On his third day home our precious boy started to get sleepier and sleepier, and after an amazing start to breastfeeding (unlike his big brother, you all may remember!) he started to get fussy, especially on the left side and feeding really poorly, bobbing on and off and not really suckling well at all by the afternoon on Wednesday. It was like he had forgotten how to latch and lost all instinct to feed. We were having to wake him up, and really struggling to rouse him to the point we were spending more time trying to wake and latch him than he was actually feeding. 

I just knew something wasn't right so we popped him along to the GP to get him checked for thrush or something else that may have drastically changed his previously good feeding. The GP was very concerned about the change in his behaviour and his sleepiness, combined with the now poor feeding, jaundice appearance and slight temperature by the end of the afternoon we had been sent to the hospital for a paediatrician check. Initially we were led to believe that because I had been taking co-codomol for pain relief for a few days it was possible that what had transferred to Zac through my milk had made him sleepy and it was just a case of waiting for him to clear it out of his system. 

However, after a long wait in Children's Assessment, being seen by a nurse, then a junior Doctor and then finally a Registrar, the Registrar explained that experience told them that they can't ignore even one slight spike in temperature in a baby so small, and that although the co-codomol might be a factor they had to explore and treat him for infection. She said tiny babies do two of three things when they are unwell; they get sleepy or irritable and they go off their feeds. Zac was excessively sleepy and off his feeds and was presenting like an unwell newborn. So we were admitted and watched Doctors torture treat our tiny tiny boy. He has endured so much during his hospital stay. Firstly having a cannula placed in his hand, and because of his tiny veins of course it didn't go in first time, then needing a lumber puncture, and then having a nasal-gastic tube placed to give him some of his feeds and then cannula replaced after the first one came out with him fighting staff doing the LP and NG. 

 It has been very difficult to watch and hear our baby scream in so much pain, knowing its for his own good but wanting them to stop hurting him all at the same time. It has been an extremely stressful and frightening few days. He has been on high-dose antibiotics but all test results are now indicating he was suffering a viral rather than bacterial infection. Which makes sense when he came home to a house full of colds. 

I've been feeling so guilty. My little boy born because my inability to cope any further into a pregnancy, technically he should still be a bump but has already endured nasty painful procedures and been readmitted to hosptial unwell. Wednesday night through Thursday and Friday I was just getting increasingly scared. Everything seemed to have escalated so quickly and it all felt chaotic and out of control. I'll admit I irrationally convinced myself there was going to be something terribly wrong and that we were going to lose our littlest boy. After thinking those fears could evaporate a little after he was born safely our experiences this week have made me very fearful again. 

Then Friday night through to Saturday he started to turn around. 

His last NG feed was 3.00pm Friday afternoon. A few of those seemed to give him the energy to wake up a bit more and feed for himself. Friday night he kept me awake a lot, which was lovely! As exhausted as I was feeling by the morning I was just pleased he was behaving like a normal newborn again. All through Saturday he started waking for feeds himself after two and a half/three hours instead of us battling with him to wake up. Or if we were having to begin rouse him he was taking only a little persuasion! 

Midweek I thought our breastfeeding journey was going to be over before it had even really begun but it seems he has re-clicked with it now and is taking to it with less trouble than Alexander did. For a start we're currently feeding without shields! He feeds a lot quicker than Xander did and seems to be finished in 10-20 minutes compared to his big brothers epic hours; now I just need to trust him to know what he needs and rely on his wet and dirty nappies as an indicator of taking enough milk. His latch seems mostly good but I do want to get that checked again this week. I'm only a little bit sore, which I think is mostly 'toughening up' sore at the moment than any real damage. I'm hoping weigh in this week will finally show a gain too - that will be reassuring that everything is finally going the right direction.

This morning the Doctors decided he was well enough again to go home and discharged us. I'm so pleased we're home together again, especially for Xander who has been pulled pillar to post these last few weeks and his Mummy disappearing into hospital for the third time in a month. 

But very nervous too, it feels a huge responsibility having him home after being a poorly newborn. I hope we are home longer than four days this time! 

So there we are, Zachary has spent most of his life in hospital so far but we're hopeful this week we can start enjoying Jon's time off with us, doing lovely things with our boys. 

Birth story to follow a little later :)
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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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