Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Saturday, 29 September 2012


 How would they have been alike?  How would they have been different? Anabelle and Alexander.

I'm finding myself wondering that a lot at the moment. 

Alexander has such a gorgeous cheeky personality, I laugh with him all the time. Would Anabelle have been the same? Happy? Always a pleasure like her brother? I enjoy Alexander so much; I hurt that my enjoyment of Anabelle was taken away. 

Would Anabelle have looked like Alexander, him like her? Would people have instantly known they were brother and sister if they were together?  Alexander has changed so much; his hair was dark and spiky when he was born and after it all fell out when he was 4 months old it grew back blonde. Would Anabelle have been blonde too?  

I could really see the similarities when he was born. And when he sleeps he still looks so much like her, with his little open mouth and peaceful expression. Their chins and jawline have the same shape, their eyes, forehead and bridge of nose have the same shape. Sometimes I watch him sleep and do a double take and can almost see his sister. 

I like that I can see her in him, but I worry as he grows more and more that similarity will be lost. When he stops being a baby, that won't be long. We only briefly knew Anabelle as a newborn, a sleeping newborn. We have no way of knowing what she would've looked like at 11 months, we and she didn't get that chance.  Does he represent what she would've been like too? 

Anabelle just born... 
Alexander just born...

I deserve to have my children together, watching their sibling bonds; not just hurting here trying to imagine it. I miss her. I miss her for us, for Xander. He would've loved his sister. 

Our sleeping boy now...

Beautiful boy


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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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