A fellow bereaved Mum wrote this as her status update yesterday. A poem about 'being normal', whatever that is. The normal that is different for us now, on weeks when I feel like this is, it is the normal that is complex. Mind in a whirlwind, not able to make sense of the intertwining strands of our lives. Complex, confusing, bewildering, exhausting. That's it. This week I'm tired, tired of carrying the weight of grief. Relentless, desperate, life-time lasting pain. I miss her. I miss how my family should have been.
How often do we hear those words?, What do they mean? To be normal again,
To not now be grieving, not cry any tears, to not feel ashamed of our anguish our pain!
What can we do... how to react, Feel ready to move on, but then again how so?
How can we move on, once more push ahead if to do it means letting go,
Sometimes the pain is our link it’s our memory , it is all that we have left,
At times it is tangible so real and so true, Sometimes it’s ok to be tearful, bereft,
A bereaved parent never moves on, can never be ...your....... normal again,
Can never heal or forget the anguish or ever forget the pain,
Now this is my normal please try to understand... listen to me say,
It’s ok for me to cry, this is my life now, this is my way,
I guess you can’t really know it, I’ll never forget this lost child of mine
It is unfair of me to think you could even really understand in time,
The grief now such a part of my life, there in every breath of me,
It is my template, my life’s path my past present future, can’t you see
There every meal time one less at the table, I think every day she is gone,
I can’t portray to you how this grief possesses me its will can be strong,
It moulds me, now it paves my way; grief now is in my heart and my head,
Every day is a battle, even if I am strong... sometimes all I can do is cry instead,
you have not the right to pass judgement, Don’t judge me you have not walked a mile in my day,
You have not had your heart torn your love and life tested this way,
Just know I am trying to keep my head up, but some days this alone it is tough,
One minute I can be laughing the next deep in pain, I cannot stress to you enough,
Normal is these extremes, normal is to me now so changed.. please let me explain,
I will... never ...nor would I want ...or can ever be known as normal again.
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