Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Topsy Turvy

I'm having the sort of July that would normally tell me it is June. 

Last month I mostly felt numb. So busy in a craze of figuring out exactly what renovation the new house needed and preparing the old one for our tenant, I didn't have time to feel.  It passed by with but one moment of huge wobble on her birthday. 

But these last few weeks my moods are extreme; happy one moment, but then I've lost count of the rolling tears, strops, anger, impatience, worry, anxiety and worst of all panic.  

These months are back to front. Reaction delayed maybe. Stress maybe. 

It is clear heightened stress is not something I cope with well anymore. Was I always like this? I can't remember. The new house is crazy; the expense, the work we've decided to do, living at home again. It is all somewhat overwhelming. Things I should be able to take in my stride take me time to get my head around. I know I worry needlessly lots of time. I struggle when things are out of my control, and I guess this is all part of it too. A feeling of being out of control.

Delayed birthday grieving, heightened stress. 

It is time to pull it back together.

Maybe August will be my month for feeling on a more even keel again this year. 

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Caz
After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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