Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Thursday, 11 June 2015

Fight Flight

This week it feels like my chest is being crushed.

I can't seem to expand my lungs properly nor does it feel like my heart is beating properly. This week I feel absolutely drained and on the brink. 

This week the world is feeling too overwhelming, too noisy. Every day tasks are beginning to seem insurmountable; so I'm using all my energy up fronting - forcing myself to function as normal, too keep going, to get through the routine of the day.  I'm managing a busy day and paying for it the next. Today is one of those days; yesterday I did not stop all day. Today I deliberately kept busy to hold the 'crash' off as long as possible because I knew it was coming. I finally left work feeling shakey, all emotional reserves used up and telling myself to hold it together. 

This week I want to run away. Close the door and hide.  Fight or flight it appears; and every cell is my body is telling me to 'flight' but there is nowhere to run. 

Five days to remember day. 

"What doesn't destroy you, leaves you broken instead. 
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper."
Bring Me The Horizon 


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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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