Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Wednesday, 18 May 2016

This Second Trimester

Today I am 27+2 weeks pregnant with our little Lucas Elias Morgan.

Yes, our little rainbow the third and last is indeed another little boy and I'm feeling increasingly excited about the prospect of our little trio of little boys. Excited and already exhausted at the thought of it! What a marvellous team they're going to make; the three Morgan musketeers as it were.  Xander, Zac and Luc. 

Lucas has taken us the longest to name out of all of the children. It turns out naming a third boy is pretty tricky and in the end we gave Alexander the choice between two names to decide what he would like to name his new brother, because we couldn't decide! Lucas or Elias with Henry originally planned to be his middle name. 

But Xander has other ideas. He was pretty adamant instantly that Elias was not in the running for a first name; as whichever way we asked him Lucas, and Luc for short was his answer. But then, he said, 'but Elias as well Mummy' - and that is where Henry was dropped and Elias was promoted to middle name. We think it has a lovely ring to it and we can't wait for Little Luc to join us on the outside now as soon as he is big and ready enough. 

After that week of feeling pushed over the edge after the gender mix up and not really knowing if we were coming or going with girl vs. boy, at the moment I'm feeling settled and really genuinely happy, especially since giving our son his identity. Our little very much loved Luc.  And thankfully so far, I've not been met with any ridiculous comments regarding our 'single' gender children family.  I'm looking forward to pulling little outfits out again that Alexander and Zachary wore when they were tiny and buying a few little summer outfits for Luc of his very own; after all the older boys were late autumn/winter babies and if we're lucky Lucas will arrive in the midst of a warm summer.

I'm not sure my last post about it all was very clear. Whilst I can't pretend there wasn't any element of 'gender preference' when we embarked on our last pregnancy, my reaction surrounding that week of mix  up was so much more to do with Anabelle and grief and loss than it was to do with who this little baby was.  And for a few days it was violent and ugly, again. We had a girl once upon time, and part of me had started to process, believe, that we were going to get that again. For a few days, when the 'girl' became a boy, all my grief for Belle was ripped to the forefront again, because the other 'girl' had never really existed in the first place, only Anabelle.

Believe me there have been many times I've questioned why we were putting ourselves through this again.  Jon certainly has. But after Zachary I didn't feel 'done'. I wanted another baby, boy or girl. I always wanted three children; and we had three children of course, but we didn't all at the same time. 

I wanted my three earth babies. I wanted three earth babies and we're still not there yet. But now I really do feel done. I don't want anymore babies and Little Luc, regardless of outcome, will be our last. Lucas is almost within touching distance now; but we're also hitting that time, in my pregnancies where everything gets more and more scary, where I'm likely to start unravelling, where anxiety that he might die is going to get the better of me time and time again. The longest of home stretches. 

Coupled with that his due-date is just days different to Anabelle's, so all those June milestones, the week she threatened prem labour, the week she died, the day she was born etc. They're all coming when I'll almost be exactly that amount of pregnant this time with Lucas. 

June is going to be, um, interesting. 

The pregnancy on the whole has been interesting though I guess! 

This is the last week of my second trimester. 

During the last 14 weeks I've had a surprise hospital stay in London because of pneumonia. Pneumonia took six weeks to really feel totally recovered from and a couple of courses of antibiotics to really see off the infection. We discovered at the end of my pregnancy with Zachary we had the beginnings of a small tear which has increased my tear and rupture risk for this pregnancy. The care plan changed for a slightly earlier birth for Lucas again.  

Nausea has been more or less continually ongoing - vomiting also - although I'm only sick maybe twice or thrice a week now, compared to daily, and nausea and sometimes resulting sickness is often a result of my stomach being too empty.  It is however the latest into a pregnancy I've continued being this sick. Thankfully, so far, heartburn has been mild and infrequent compared to the daily yuckiness  of it all from 13 weeks with Zac. 

Fatigue and tiredness has felt worse in this pregnancy that ever before; I can't decide whether it is because I'm in my 30s and 'older'  this time around (haha), my bout of being really poorly or being a busy Mother of two little boys already. It is probably a mixture of it all but have definitely been feeling the strain, especially on the days I've been working too. I'm a hopeless sack of sofa potatoes in the evenings! 

I think the biggest notable change in this pregnancy is the uncontrollable mood swings I've been experiencing the last couple of weeks. I have these moments of feeling completely overwhelmed by something and appear to be dealing with it in rage instead of a like a rational person!  I think Jon is feeling particularly long-suffering at the moment with it all. 

Otherwise Braxton Hicks have already started these last few weeks as well and boobs already leaking colostrum. Maybe everything starts earlier and earlier with each pregnancy?! 

Today I'm home from work following the sudden onset of pretty severe pelvic pain yesterday. It was shocking - one minute I felt totally fine and the next I could barely move my legs or walk for pain. It felt like it literally came out of nowhere. It was bad enough to reduce me to tears three times during the afternoon, including calling Jon home from work early. By the time the lower part of my bump started to feel uncomfortable in the later part of the afternoon too - yesterday evening we went in for a check up to be on the safe side considering the rupture risks too. (That we're becoming increasingly aware and anxious of as we hit third trimester now.) 

It was a relief that there doesn't appear to be any scar or tear issues but the Dr last night said it looks like I've been unlucky enough to get pelvic girdle pain this time around after never having it before. (Or maybe I've been incredibly lucky to escape pain like this until pregnancy number four?!) Of course I've had achy and uncomfortable pelvis, hips and legs in the evenings after busy days on all of them, but nothing like this. So today I'm resting, still finding it painful to move and hoping the flair up settles down. It will be a long 8-9 remaining weeks if it doesn't go away! 

But despite the aches, pains and worries I'm enjoying my growing bump. It is all out front and Jon tells me you still cannot tell I am pregnant from the back. Lucas is growing very well and is currently tracking around the 75th centile for fetal growth, estimated to be 2lb 5oz already at my scan last week. Which is good for him with an early birth planned. Unbelievably, despite what feels like my ample size, bump is measuring the 27 weeks it 'should' be. 

I really need to take more photographs before it is all over for the very last time. Even though I feel done and can't imagine putting us through this again I also can't believe this is the last time I'll carry and grow a baby, the last time I'll have a bump.  It seems to be going by so much more quickly so far this time, although I fully expect that to slow down during these critical last few months and weeks. 

Here we go then. 


Lulu said...

Congratulations on your third pregnancy and third boy! I have three boys. They are wonderful together and it's lovely to see the different relationships between each of them. Occasionally I've been asked if I am disappointed that they are all boys, or wouldn't I have liked one of them to be a girl... to that, I usually reply "Which one should I put back, then?" To the disappointed comment, I usually say "I treasure all my children... don't you?" Occasionally I have wished to be able to shop for girly things but then I indulge myself in pretty, girly things for me and that mostly satisfies it! As time goes on I get prouder and prouder of my boys. Contrary to some beliefs, they do not fight, wrestle, burp and fart and smell all the time. They are all polite, considerate and pretty clean most of the time. To be honest I had worse fights with my sister growing up, so I'm amused when people think that girls would be all sweetness and light, and boys fight. You will love having three little boys and they will love having each other. Imagine in the future when you have three handsome, strapping guys taking care of their lovely mum! Congratulations again! xx

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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