Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

R is for...

... rainbows...

It reminds me of a poem I wrote in the very early months after Anabelle's death, I may have posted it before. All about colour, or indeed lack of at the time. Life was grey, faded, black even. In a whirlwind of hurt and pain it was very difficult to see beyond the storm or dream of rainbows. So black dominated. 

Black does not dominate any more. A forever present colour, living alongside us, but now not the only one. Now we have rainbows, we have Alexander.  He is what is described as a rainbow baby; the child who came along after his siblings death. Infact you may remember before we knew he was a boy he was called Bow as in short for Rainbow.  Our child that doesn't get rid of the storm, but fills our lives with colour once more.  And I enjoy that colour so much. 

Our son is such a joy. We can't get enough of him, loved so much we could burst. Somehow there was strength and carrying on; he's the blue I talked of finding...

The colour in my life has faded,
It’s now all miserable shades of grey,
I struggle to find the sparkle,
Since Anabelle flew away.

We were expecting a beautiful girl,
Expecting a life full of pink,
But now the grey has descended,
And tears are always on the brink.

My life used to be bright,
With yellows and reds and golds,
Full of beautiful rainbows,
Until the day I was told.

How do I find the gold and sparkle?
How do I fight the grey?
Find the strength to carry on,
To find new pink or blue one day.

I still want to see in colour,
But it seems so far away from here,
The entire colour is now in heaven,
My beauty Belle took it with her.

And yet I see a little light,
It shines right near my heart,
Highlighting the fading colour in me,
Anabelle and I are never really apart.

A tiny little pink remains with me,
Anabelle coloured my soul,
She remains forever with me,
Restoring the colours is now our goal.

The red of love is still overwhelming,
For my Jon, for Belle – our family,
It’s the red that keeps me going,
Without it, I would not be.

A sign of white and roses,
Brings memories of smiles,
Weddings and circles and angels,
Shining bright in the sky for miles.

I must continue to find the colours,
To fight grey and find rainbows again,
And to especially find my sparkle,
For my Anabelle, my precious gem.

August 2010


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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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