After Anabelle

That time of year again. June approaching. 

Just over a month until my little girls third birthday and torturing myself begins. Torturing myself in John Lewis with my eyes flitting to beautiful summer dresses on display. Mentally deciding which dress I might have bought her for her party. Torturing myself in toy shops, wondering what my three year old girl might have liked for her birthday. 

I'm tired already. 

First birthday was going to be hard. Second birthday hit me harder than maybe I expected it to.

This year I have no expectations that it will be otherwise. This is it. This is June. This time her third birthday. 

I know the pain of June is coming. I know the re-living those dates is coming. The 6th, the 16th, the 21st, the 28th and everything in between.