After Anabelle

There's a friend for little children

above the bright blue sky,

A friend who never changes, 

whose love will never die;

Our earthly friends may fail us, 

and change with changing years.

This friend is always worthy, 

of that dear name he bears. 

There's a rest for little children

above the bright blue sky,

Who love the blessed Saviour,

and to the Father cry;

A rest from every turmoil,

From sin and sorrow free,

Where every little pilgrim

Shall rest eternally. 

There's a home for little children

above the bright blue sky,

Where Jesus reigns in glory,

A home of peace and joy;

No home on earth is like it,

Nor can with it compare;

for everyone is happy,

nor could be happier there. 

A year ago today Anabelle made her final journey. Up her aisle in her Daddy's arms, through a sea of people dressed in pink just for her. She was carried up her aisle to Gymnopedie No.1 by Satie and back out to Stargazer by Hawes.  In the moments after her Daddy passed her perfect beautiful tiny little body into her bed in her garden this prayer was read out to God. Today it feels just as relevant.  A year may feel like a long time to some, but to Jon and I, handing over our daughter's little body to the ground and her little soul to God, happened only yesterday and the tears stream down as I once again listen to Stargazer, the last music I listened to with my daughter. 

I've finally compiled the list of companies, people and friends that were involved in making Anabelle's Angel Day the success that is was. There are so many I'm a little nervous I will unintentionally miss somebody out;  but I also feel these companies, people and friends need to be thanked publicly for all the support they've given to Jon and I in this venture and their part in a total that has just pushed through £5000 for Sands and still counting! 

So lets start with the companies and people who donated or organised raffle prizes! Thank you to: 

The Traditional Shaving Company , Taskforce Paintballing, Techniquest, The Parkway Hotel, Peacocks, Toby Carvery, The Cwrt Bleddyn Hotel and Spa, Holiday Inn Hotel Newport, Hilton Hotel Cardiff, Blush Beauty Salon, Arthur Llewellyn Jenkins, Dan-Yr-Ogof Showcaves, Dance World Newport, Legoland, Manor House Wildlife Park, The Health Boutique, Urban Reef Restaurant, Greenmeadow Community Farm, Giggleicious Photography, Blue Lagoon Water Park, BellePixelle, Heatherton, Sarah Stone Photography, With Love From Me, Made For You by Vanessa, Animal, Tesco, Wales and West Housing, Water Babies, Silver Artz, Goldsmiths, Cakes Glorias Cakes, Wallis, Lady Sue's Sparkles, AS Domestic Appliances, The Salon on Heather Road,  as well as the lovely people Lynne, Ambia, Tracey and Karen! 

And then the companies and people who made things for and/or gave their time on Saturday to help us raise so much money!  Glitterbugz, Tetley Tea, Catherine's Cakes, Kate of Absolute Bespoke Creations, Losely Icecream, The Rum Puppets, Sam Scott and Sally Greenwell, My Mum, Dad, Parents in law, Danny and Janet, Bex, Sorreya and her Nan, Marie, Ryan, Mike, Anwen, Leanne, Sue, Ant, Simon, Tracey, Jean, Sara, Naomi, Sian, Jodi, Ambia, Cath, Miriam, Ellie, Steve, Mat, Shaz and Jan.   And of course my Jon! 

I hope I haven't missed anyone out!  And a big thank you to everyone who donated any amount of money. Big or small, it is only because of you we've achieved such a tremendous running total! 

A number of weeks ago I was approached regarding my blog and asked if I would be interested in contributing to an article commissioned by The Sun regarding Mummy Bloggers. After some thought I agreed and decided the opportunity to raise awareness of the reality of stillbirth was one not to be missed.  So the interview by email took place and a photographer visited me to take pictures to go alongside the article. 

Friday, the article was published, only for me to be told that I and two other Mummy Bloggers parts have been cut out of the final piece in an editorial decision. 

Friday and Saturday I've been far too busy with Anabelle's Angel Day to think much about this, but today I'm feeling disgruntled. Not because I personally haven't been included in the piece, but because The Sun's editorial decision has fed into the silence and taboo surrounding stillbirth.  A national newspaper saw fit to include blogs covering general family experiences but not one covering the hard hitting reality of baby death and what that means for a (my) family's experiences. Maybe baby death is just far too serious a subject matter for The Sun. Article Here

Tonight I've emailed them and told them as much.  I wonder what response I will get from them, if any... 

I am absolutely gobsmacked as I write this, and so in awe of everyone who has donated to Sands in Anabelle's name and supported us. 

Today we held Anabelle's Angel Day Fete. Her birthday celebrations raising money for an organisation who provided so much support in those early days after her death. Sands, the stilbirth and neonatal death charity support anyone affected by the death of a baby and promote research to reduce the loss of babies lives. 

I am so very excited and emotional to announce that our SEMI-FINAL total in Anabelle's name for Sands has reached an absolutely staggering £4948.37. 

This figure so far includes everything donated online on our JustGiving page, various multiple offline cash donations we've been given, money collected so far from our sponsored walk last week, a second fete held at the same time as our in Belle's name in a different part of the country and everything raised from today.  It really is quite phenomenal. There is no other word for it. 

Now this is a semi-final total because we're still counting...

We still have more sponsorship money from our walk to collect, stock left over from the fete today is going to make a bit more money elsewhere and then added to our running total, and the biggy - the promised part-matched donation from Santander is now to be organised and sent onto Sands in Anabelle's name. 

So while we currently sit just shy of £5000, and I marvel in this alone, I already cannot wait to announce our final final total over the coming few weeks. 

Anabelle my incredible little girl has inspired amounts beyond my wildest dreams, and I thought £500 might've been ambitious when we first started this venture!  Such a massive thank you to everyone who has been involved to help make today a success, to everyone who has donated and supported us. Your donations will make a difference, and will contribute to help Sands continue to help bereaved Mummies and Daddies around the UK. 

I'm so very proud to be Anabelle's Mummy and to have achieved everything that we have for her. 

Guess How Much I Love You is one of my all time favourite children's stories. When we were expecting Anabelle I bought her her own copy; her first book. I intended to start reading it to her before she was born,  but that time never came. I never read a story to my daughter while she was alive. I find that very difficult - the book had been there for weeks, why hadn't I read it? What was I waiting for. I don't know. 

I imagined sitting in the corner of her nursery in our white and pink gliding chair after it had been finished, still anticipating her arrival, reading to her, playing her music, spending time together in her room.   I imagined then and could only ever imagine now. 

In the chapel of rest, the last thing we did with Anabelle before kissing her for the final time was read her her book. I promised her then I would read the story to her every year on her birthday, and yesterday I kept that promise to her on her first birthday. 

The final words in the book seemed so perfect to be engraved on her headstone. Such a special moment we'd shared in the chapel. Although Anabelle could never guess how much we love her; because even to the moon and back is no where near far enough.