Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Thursday, 27 December 2012

Christmas This Year

The low hit earlier than expected.

Last year I hit the low on Boxing Day, after the main day had been done.  This year, I hit the low Christmas Day night. Christmas Day had been lovely, hectic, but lovely. But somewhere after everyone had gone home I felt that overwhelming hurt that our little girl had been missing again, always missing. Overwhelming sadness that we hadn't done enough for her or her brother this Christmas. Irrational I know. We'd had precious family time in her garden, our quiet moment of the day, but sometimes nothing feels enough, because nothing fixes the pain. 

Somewhere in all the busy-ness Jon and I hadn't found that quiet moment at dinner to pull Anabelle's cracker, a moment missed. Then somewhere in all the busy-ness Jon and I hadn't found that quiet moment, just with our son to open his main present.  And these two things were the trigger to streaming tears for another Christmas.  

So Christmas Day; quite lovely, Christmas night; pretty diabolical.

Bet lets focus on the lovely. Our little family Christmas 2012.

Xander was mesmerised by the sparkling reindeer dust outside before he went to bed, enjoyed cuddling up for 'The Night Before Christmas', he slept so well that come 7:30am we had to wake him up to tell him Father Christmas had been. He was simply delightful all day, as he always is. We visited Anabelle and took her presents to her, Belle as spoilt as her brother and remembered by so many. We are always so touched and grateful when friends and family take the time to remember our two children. Xander helped to open one of her presents, a present for her to him. A bell for Belle to remind him of his sister. 

Here we are two days later and Xander is still opening presents! Completely spoilt baby! He has loved everything he has opened and really appreciating each new toy. He is so desperate to explore them and very impatient waiting for Daddy to get them out of the packaging! And if you offer him a new present to unwrap while he's still engrossed in the previous one it gets pushed away until he is ready! His favourite presents so far have been his Happyland Farm and Toot Toot cars, but everything really, he's just loved everything!

And we love him. For all the pain in our lives our beautiful son brings more joy and is more precious than he could ever know. 

The Night Before Christmas

He's been!

Wakey wakey baby Xander!

Love my Toot Toots
Happy Christmas Anabelle

A bell for Belle, to Xander

Loving Christmas

Belle's cracker and candle. 

Mummy Daddy and Xander

Mummy Daddy and angel Belle


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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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