Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Monday, 10 October 2016

The Sixth - Empathy

I've said before that I've kindness on this journey from other people than I have deliberate insensitivity. More people are thoughtful than thoughtless. 

In the early days I took thoughtlessness and insensitivity incredibly badly. I wasn't very forgiving of people who put their foot in it, or worse. Grief was so raw, everything was so broken that I just couldn't see beyond that. I raged that some people didn't have the foresight to find a better more appropriate thing to say. 

Over the years I've softened. Become more charitable. More forgiving. 

Most of the time I don't get so worked up about it anymore. That is not to say that I always handle it well, but I can now, let it wash over me, even though it still very much stings when people that should know, forget, making a careless comment, or neglect to acknowledge that I had a daughter.  That there was one more.

And I get it. Only I can carry Anabelle like I do and only three of my children can be seen.

But empathy for me today is counting my children carefully. Four.

Those that know; including her, validating her. Allowing me to still openly be her mother and not a part of my life that should be hidden away.

And I'm lucky, because I am surrounded by people that do, and allow me, just that!  

Just this last week my Mother and Xander were having a conversation about who was born first. His birthday is coming up and he is of course excited about being the biggest and getting bigger. But my lovely little boy still remembers his sister. When Mum made an innocent comment about him being first, he said "No, Belle was first, and then me Nana!"

Even my almost five year old can already manage empathy (click to open)!

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how are we doing. Never is the name of our child mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Her life slips from recall. There are exceptions, close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent. But, for us the play will NEVER end. 

The effects on us are timeless. Say HER NAME to us. On the stage of our lives she has been both leading and supporting actress. Love does not die. Her name is written on our lives. The sound of her voice replays within our minds. You feel she is dead. We feel she is of the dead but still she lives. She ghostwalks our souls, beckoning in future welcome. 

You say she was our child. We say she is. Say HER NAME to us, and say HER NAME again. It hurts to bury her memory in silence. What she was in flesh is no part of our now. She was our hope for the future. You say not to remind us. How little you understand; we cannot forget. We would not if we could. 

We understand you, but feel the pain in being forced to do so. We forgive you because you cannot know. And we would forgive you anyway. We accept how you see us, but understand you see us not at all. We strive not to judge you, but we wish that you could understand that we dwell in both flesh and in spirit. The mystery is that you do too, but know it not. 

We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with her in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost you cannot feel. What we have gained, you cannot see. 

Say HER NAME for she is alive in us. She and we will meet again, although in many ways we've never parted. She and her life play light songs on our minds, sunrises and sunsets on our dreams. She is real and shadow, was and is. 

Say HER NAME to us and say HER NAME again. She is our child and we love her as we always did.

Author Unknown


My Photo
After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
View my complete profile

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Blog archive


Mumsnet Badge

Written by C.E Morgan. Powered by Blogger.