After Anabelle

What is the largest TV screen in your house? 

37"  in the living room...

and 32" in the bedroom... and the computer monitor is 22".  I think it is safe to say Jon required big screens. Infact he's just said if he had the space he would have a 24" monitor...! 

When we moved in our house (almost 6 years ago!) we only had my little portable TV that I had used at uni. We planned to 'make do' for a while before buying a flat screen TV... which we did a year later.   

I thought 37" was going to be far too big in our little house but Jon insisted! He is big on film watching and Xbox playing see, which needs a 'proper' screen apparently! He equally insisted on the huge screen in our bedroom and huge monitor screen! 

I sometimes think we have far too much screen time in our house. Jon with his films and TVs and monitors and me with my laptop and facebook and forums and blogging. Not to mention iPhones. They have become an integral part of life; but I often think we should try harder to have more time without screens and background noise. We're a gadgety household. 

Salt and Caramel did just this experiment recently and blogged about it; a really interesting read - her day without technology!  

Could we go a day without modern technology? Without facebook, twitter, forums, films, TV? Not using our phones or even our cameras?  I wonder what I would miss the most... I think it would be my camera closely followed by my phone -  I take photographs of Xander every day, I love taking photographs of him! That has been one of the best things about my iPhone; always having a fairly decent camera in my handbag, but it has also made online far more accessible. There are pros and cons to this of course; google in your pocket is handy but I've logged onto facebook and twitter far more during the day since getting my iPhone. Is it necessary or is it just habit because its so easy to have a quick look and catch up at intervals during the day when the whole world is on your phone?!  

Do we miss elements of the real world because our noses are in our phones? 

I'm in two minds about the influence of phones and gadgets on Xander. I know there is the entire debate in the background about screens and TV and the effects on development, (and I don't really want to get into that here) but gadgets are undoubtedly going to be a huge part of Xander's growing up; as they've increasingly become in our through our teenage years and beyond. He is going to need fairly proficient ICT skills to get on in his adult world, more so than us. He's already got the gadget bug from Jon, Jon being gadget mad and ICT dominated by his career, so I'm sure he'll be ok in that area... especially as Xander is so attracted to our phones and iPad and can already explore his own baby apps with little support from us! His current favourite apps are 'Doodle' which allows him to make noisy mark-making pictures (each colour paintbrush makes a different sound on the screen as you draw), 'Volt' - a basic cause and effect touch app with lightening/electricity type noises, and 'Fisher Price Animals' - he particularly likes the songs in that one and dances along! 

What would you miss the most in a gadget free world? I wonder if I could persuade Jon to give it a go just for a day!? 

Today is a milestone of sorts. Alexander is exactly the age his sister was (should have been) when he was born. 15 months and three weeks old.  This is what she should have been like 15 months and three weeks ago. Like her brother is now. Happy, cheeky, bright, wonderful, always ready to explore his world. Or would she? I like to imagine their similarities in looks but they could have been so very different in personality. 

It makes me wonder once again what she would've been like and I find it so hard to imagine despite trying so hard to see her in him. Would she have been walking by now, unlike her brother? Would she have enjoyed toys and books as much as her brother? Would she have the same play skills? Would she have been as boisterous as Xander or quieter?   What sort of nearly toddler would Anabelle have been the day her brother was born; the same age he is today? We'll never know. 

I struggle to imagine another newborn in our lives now with our 15 month and three week old son. He seems so young, so baby like, for there to be another baby yet. I wouldn't feel ready yet, still nurturing my son. But this might've been our reality if Anabelle had lived. Might have, but unlikely. 

This only feeds into my guilt; he is only here because she is not. I worry that he'll think in the future he is just her replacement. That in less than a year, or eight months to be exact, we were expecting him. What age gap would we have planned if she had been alive? Well, probably a similar age gap to the one we're planning now; which isn't quite yet.  Which means he was planned sooner than he would've been. Did we leave enough healing time?  

The decision to try again when we did was momentous; it wasn't a crazy overnight decision. Just days after Belle was born I put myself back on the pill. There was absolutely no way I was in any frame of mind to think about another baby, I didn't want the risk, I didn't feel the urge to be pregnant again, I didn't want another baby; not to begin with, I wanted some breathing space. Besides we were advised to go through the blood testing schedule which was to take six months or more by the time we had had all our results and final meetings with the consultants. 

When that was over, we decided. A new year, 2011 and to try for another little baby. A deep breath, a leap of faith that somehow we would bring a baby home. Six weeks later we were expecting Alexander. 

My mind boggles when I think of the uniqueness of our two babies. They might have been similar, but there would always have been some differences; parents cannot make the same baby twice. They are who they are simply because of the moment they were made. The egg and sperm race. A different month, a different sperm; the same month, a different sperm and they wouldn't have been them, not Anabelle as I wish we'd known her, or Alexander as he is. They would have been different babies, different people. I find it fascinating. Each combination a very unique individual despite sharing so many of the same genes in their DNA. 

Babies and siblings are really very special indeed. 

On a scale of 1-10 how is your health? 

Maybe a 7 or 8? 

I'm reminiscing back to my Picturing Twenty Twelve blog again... It snowed on the 4th of February last year; it hasn't snowed today. Infact what I hear on my window right now as I type this is heavy rain! 

This was Xander's first experience of snow... he wasn't very impressed. he screwed his face up and looked confused as the cold snowflakes landed on his nose... Don't worry he was only there sat there for a minute! 

This year, Alexander was equally unimpressed with the snow; maybe even less impressed! Friday 18th January 2013.  I attempted to take him out the morning after his breakfast; he was super grumpy with me. Infact he was hugely cross about the layers and snowsuit I attempted to put on him. So before we even got outside he had decided he didn't like it all that much.  I sat him on the snow, he touched the snow and really pouted and grizzled. So I put him on his sledge, (that I had bought especially for the predicted snow the night before) he pouted and grizzled.



The grizzles soon turned to tears, so I gave up trying to make my son enjoy snow and we were back indoors stripping off again after less than five minutes. Not much fun. 

But we decided to try again when Jon came home from work. This time, we got him dressed up in a different snow suit and just put him straight on the sledge for a ride. Still pouting, not so much grizzling this time... maybe Daddy is better at sledging than Mummy! I don't think Xander got the fuss about snow...

"Look Mummy, no hands" standing!

Different approach this month; instead of going through the 365 questions in numerical order I'm going to stick to them in date order. So for example, today I'm going to answer questions 1, but if I don't post again until Monday, then Monday, instead of answering questions 2 I'm just going to answer number 4 for the 4th, Get it? Good! Haha. 

What is your favourite piece of art you own?

Xander's baby art work 

He was a week old the first time we explore paint with him. He wasn't impressed, but I wanted his teeny tiny hand and footprints to cherish forever. A memory of just how little he was. 

The next time we got artistic was for his Daddy's 31st birthday. He was more or less covered head to toe in orange paint getting handprints-a-plenty to create the mane for the Lion we were making for Jon's card! It was fun though and I love our efforts. Anabelle's handprint was included too, copied and printed from her memory book and made the tail for the Lion. Very special. :)  Definitely one of my favourite art projects. 

Along with the Lion we made together, the first piece of art Alexander bought home from nursery was very special. It is a rite of passage for a child really isn't it; the first piece of art work bought home to show Mummy and Daddy. For Xander, his first 'bought home' painting was a sheep! 

Our kitchen is fast becoming Xander's gallery of art work and photographs nursery send home. A Mummy kitchen. The sort of kitchen I remembered growing up with our art work put up on the fridge. In our kitchen Xander's art is all over the cupboard, the fridge displays his and Anabelle's hands and footprints. Hers looking ever so tiny next to his; 32 weeks grown next to his 8 months old. Alexander's need updating again. Maybe that can be a job for half term.


I'm well known in my place of work for my art-tastic Thursdays. A long running joke, Thursday after dinner means one thing; paint, paint, a bit more paint, and some very messy children! I'm really looking forward to being able to do more art stuff at home too as Alexander starts to get a bit older and interested in art, sensory and messy play. Let creativity commence!

I love it, I'm looking forward to many years to come of him bringing home art work he is proud of and wants me to display in our kitchen. These are always going to be my favourite pieces of art. 

Happy February everyone; the month to be in love!