Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Call the Midwife Miracles

Last night I watched the first episode of  Call the Midwife on iPlayer. 

There was a miracle; a stillborn baby lived.

Jon was unsure whether I would be able to watch Call the Midwife as I cannot cope with OBEM; due to the era the series is set, post war 1950s, infant mortality would probably be a given. As I've said previously, even is storyland I find it hard to sit through baby death. 

So I was watching it; scenes of overcrowding and poverty. Children being born at home in dirty conditions. Even though I knew it was acting I was a little shocked, realising how fortunate we are today with an established NHS (despite its faults) access to hospitals and mostly excellent care.  The NHS then was still in its fledgling days. 

Episode 1, some of the story went like this;

A lady, 30 (ish) weeks pregnant had a fall and went into labour. The parents were told it would be unlikely that their baby at such a small gestation would survive the birth and to prepare themselves for the worst. Facilities for caring for premature babies in the 1950s were not widely available, survival for such small babies was unusual. 

The baby arrived, grey and pale and declared dead. Placed aside in a dish and not even shown to the parents, not even told if their baby was a boy or a girl. Baby treated like a non-person. I found this treatment of the tiny baby and their family particularly difficult to watch. I'm so thankful that times have moved on significantly and the memories and bonds we were able to form with Anabelle. I cannot imagine not being allowed to meet my child simply because they were dead. 

But then what I found even harder to watch than that was the miracle.  The miracle that parents of all born sleeping babies wish so hard for. 

The dead baby cried. Five minutes after birth, from their discarded dish their baby came back to life. Swiftly wrapped up and reunited with his parents. 

Where was our miracle? Why can that only happen in story land?  

So Call the Midwife took me back to our silent delivery room. To those minutes where we desperately wished it to be a terrible mistake after Anabelle was born. Looking at her, holding her and willing her to breathe. To somehow be alive. To cry.  

Anabelle stayed dead. How am I ever going to really come to terms with it? My daughter is dead. Call the Midwife proved once again that real acceptance is still some way off. 

I was watching it jealous. How ridiculous is that? Jealous of a pretend couple getting to keep their pretend baby when we couldn't keep our real one. 

3 comments:

Weezer said...

That made me cry your last 3 paragraphs how my heart ached for that to be true of Esmée all through my induction I was convinced I could feel her move how horrifically wrong I was when she was born silent and still our perfect bundle of joy. I too wanted to watch this programme but was too afraid of these 'happy endings' as well as the tragedy of infant deaths in the area where my grandparents were born with siblings who did not survive. Thank you for sharing caz, I look forward to your words as much as it pains me that there our others grieving they bring comfort knowing I am not alone that our beautiful sleeping babies are not alone. Take care dear angel and earth mummy xx

Amy and the boys said...

I Googled looking for this exact answer. Wanting to know if the baby was actually dead because I got to that part in the show and turned it off, not knowing if i wanted to go there after delivering my baby dead. Thanks for this. I understand all of your emotions over this episode.

Amy and the boys said...

I Googled looking for this exact answer. Wanting to know if the baby was actually dead because I got to that part in the show and turned it off, not knowing if i wanted to go there after delivering my baby dead. Thanks for this. I understand all of your emotions over this episode.

My Photo
Caz
After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
View my complete profile
Instagram

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Followers

Mumsnet Badge

mumsnet
Written by C.E Morgan. Powered by Blogger.