Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Hopes, Dreams, Resolutions

Happy New Year! 

This year, I think I genuinely mean it. 

As Big Ben chimed 2012 in I didn't crumble into pieces. The familiar flat feeling of last year was there; the lump in my throat was there, the sadness of time moving further away from our girl was there but finding something to look forward to in 2012 was also there. Something to look forward to was something I couldn't muster the courage to find last year. 

To be honest at 11.54pm we were still desperately trying to settle Alexander into bed and I thought midnight was going to pass us by completely. But as Big Ben chimed I held Jon and he held me. We whispered to each other how we were feeling about our family this new year, we acknowledged Anabelle and then we joined in the chinking of champagne, sparklers and 'Happy New Years' with everybody else. 

New Year 2011 a thread was started on the 'pink pages' to record our hopes, dreams and resolutions for the new year. Mine were as follows: 

  • Jon's test results to come back clear and for all his problems to be resolved. Well Jon got a diagnosis. Transverse Myelitis. So not the all clear but at least the problem has a name now. 8 months on from diagnosis and nothing has changed. He had a few weeks where it seemed things may be getting worse again, but for now having hands that cannot feel and cannot easily manipulate fine motor tasks has become Jon's new normal. Still we wait for the neurologist to call him back for a follow up appointment. I'll have to start chasing that up. I don't like to feel he has been forgotten. 
  • A bfp soon. 28th February 2011
  • A complication free pregnancy and a baby I can bring home. Well I'm not sure I would go as far as to say it was complication free; second trimester bleeding and threatened early labour aside, but our beautiful gorgeous boy came home. And that is all that matters. Our best bit of 2011 can be pinpointed to the minute: 14th October 2011, 00:45 when Alexander was born screaming. 
  • To pull off a great fundraising event for Belle's 1st Birthday. So much greater than I could ever have anticipated: donations have continued to come in, right into December. Including gift aiding over £9600 has been sent to Sands in Anabelle's name. Whopping! 
  • To keep on top of the ironing. Epic fail! My version of ironing is now folding warm clothes out of the tumble dryer before putting them away! 
  • To have more date nights with Jon. Could do better! Ongoing for 2012. Starting with a drink in our local sometime in January! 

So I suppose I should set some hopes, dreams and resolutions for this year!
  • To have a healthy and happy settled year.
  • To make Anabelle's fundraising figure £10k (or more!) for her second birthday. (Can you believe it? Already its the year for her second birthday... I'm struggling to comprehend two years at the moment.)
  • To take Alexander on his first proper holiday. 
  • To enjoy every moment with Alexander. 
  • To celebrate Alexander joining our family with a dedication service just for him.
  • To make the most of my maternity leave. 
  • To go back to uni in May (after deferring since Anabelle died) and recommence the final year for my post-graduate in SEN.  
  • To have more date nights with Jon! 
  • To create more memories and blog our twenty twelve journey. My photo a day challenge.   
Come and take a look: Picturing Twenty Twelve

This is the new years challenge that I think has given me the 'something to look forward to' amongst the joy of watching Alexander grow. A new focus, a positive light-hearted day to day me. The mundane, to random, to small, to big, to important. A bit of everything.  

I really am looking forward to seeing with 366 moments I choose to feature as our photo of the day this time next year, because who knows where we'll be in our journey by then.  

Time keeps moving on. 


Anonymous said...

Happy New Year Caz, Jon, angel Anabelle, and Alexander. Hope 2012 is peaceful, rewarding and full of magical moments. Looking forward to the picture a day challenge, what an amazing thing to do/look back on in the future! xx

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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