Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Sunday, 24 June 2012

Anabelle is Two

Important days these last two years have followed the same pattern; the build up including me being on edge, snappy and not myself, then the actual day being beautiful. And now, here we are, the few days later on the emotional 'come-down'.   Today has been my come-down. Today I'm feeling it a little.Triggered possibly by a late night last night and being over-tired, or by the horrible moment earlier today when I thought we had lost Glo. (Anabelle and Alexander's glo worm toy, the one we bought for his sister but he plays with and loves.) 

So my Anabelle is two years old, or at least she should be. To me it feels like she is somehow, up there in heaven I have a two year old. I asked Jon in the week when he thinks of her now, does he think of her as the baby we knew her as, or imagine her as the toddler she should be. He always thinks of her as a baby. Me? I'm unsure. Sometimes I try and picture her as my little girl with blonde bunches. I often look at Alexander and wonder, just wonder, how similar they might've been.  I look at him and miss her not only for myself, but for Alexander too. In a perfect world he would be mesmerised by her instead of other children. 

The day started off torrential. So just like last year,  any hope of sending her a lantern at 00:08 to mark the exact moment she was born two years ago was rained off. Instead we lit candles outside our home. 

We decorated our home, we decorated her garden. Xander helped to send a birthday balloon to his sister and blow out the candles on her birthday cake.  Anabelle was spoilt, so beautifully remembered not just by us, but by the special family and friends that surround us.   We were given decorations for her garden, candles, flowers a birthday cake. Gorgeous things. 

Decorated home garden...

Pebbles and candles for Belle

Sending a birthday balloon to Belle

Blowing out the birthday candles. 

I'll admit, part of me wondered for a while if people would be 'less interested' this year. I know that time cannot pass or stick in the same way for others as it does for me and Jon. I had wrongly assumed that for the majority of people the assumption would be things would be 'easier' for us this year. My lovely friends, in my anxieties I did you a great mis-service when so many contributed to celebrating our beautiful girls second birthday.   I cannot really express what it means to Jon and I others also take the time to include Anabelle in their lives. 

The weather was kinder to us before bedtime and a lantern sent to finish the day. Along with a glass of champagne, raising a glass to our baby girl.

Raising a glass to Belle

Birthday complete with a lantern

 always loved, always missed, always everything.
Happy birthday baby girl xXx


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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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