Sunday, 3 June 2012
21:58 | Posted by Caz | Edit Post
My blog has been being neglected.
I sometimes wonder if it is because there comes a stage when there is little left to say; when the foreverness of grief becomes just that, forever and the same, continuing old and the same ground, with new ongoing life stuff thrown into the mix too. May got a bit crazy to be honest, with something on nearly all of the time. Recently we've had hens and a stag to go to, returning to uni, a christening and just general life busy busy.
But now here we are, that time of year again, June.
The month two years ago when my daughter died and was born.
It is June and we're still busy, and so far I'm thankful for that.
Being busy until Wednesday so far is helping me put off thinking about how to approach Anabelle's birthday this year. I don't know how to do it. I know in reality this build up will be far worse than the actual day, but at the moment I'm not ready to deal with it. There is something about it being her second birthday that I'm finding a lot harder to accept than I did her first. What is that all about?
I almost want to ignore it, just for now. Just until I've figured it all out. You know how I thrive off a plan.
I want to make it special, but I don't quite know how. Last year her precious first birthday was marked with incredible fundraising. Big plans kept me going, a positive focus. I'm not sure what we have this year. This year I want her birthday to be far smaller and more intimate, but equally special.
So far I've come up with a decorating pebbles theme. We've decided we're going to attend the annual national Sands remembrance service at the memorial arboretum on the 16th June. Anabelle's remember day, 2 years to the day she died. And while we're there we will leave a decorated pebble for Anabelle in the baby memorial garden, and if she has a pebble there I want her to have decorated pebbles outside our front door and decorated pebbles on her garden. So far I will be busy painting and varnishing pebbles over the next couple of weeks.
Pebbles and what? Lanterns, balloons, pink flower posies, decorated home and cemetery gardens?
- After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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