Sunday, 17 June 2012
20:03 | Posted by Caz | Edit Post
The 16th June isn't the date I think about all year. All year my focus is Anabelle's birthday, and then her remember day just jumps on me as we approach June. Why would I want to think about the day she died for longer than I have to? It is very hard to explain; of course I think about the events of that day, that week. But the actual date doesn't cross my mind all too often, not consciously. Then June starts, and I know we have to get through her remember day before her birthday, and so it hangs there, a bit like a dark cloud.
The 16th leaves me feeling flat. I can still find something to celebrate in Anabelle's birthday, the only day we shared precious moments with our little girl, but there is no joy to be found in the 16th. But an important date all the same.
So Anabelle has now been dead for two years and one day. What sort of upside down world is this when the day you die is before the day you were born?
Yesterday was peaceful. I'm well aware by now the build up to important dates is far more traumatic and exhausting than the actual event.
We marked Anabelle's second remember day by going to the annual Sands memorial service in the National Memorial Arboretum. For 12 years Sands have had a baby garden there, decorated with so many pebbles representing so many angel babies. Too many angel babies. Yesterday we laid a pebble there for Anabelle too, her little piece for years to come in that garden.
I can't think of a more perfect way to have remembered her, on her remember day.
|For our little girl.|
|Just a few of the stones representing so many babies. |
Anabelle's is at the top, 4th along the left.
- After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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