Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

To Quote

“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.”

My diary has always been my right arm (or left in my case, being as I’m left handed) in work and indeed life; but none more so since my return from maternity leave. Without my diary these days I cease to function.

I find myself becoming increasingly reliant on lists and writing everything, and I mean everything down. If I don’t you can guarantee I’m going to forget what it is I have to do and what the deadline is.

Gone are my highlight days of organisation, planning and control.

The last couple of weeks my diary pages are becoming fuller and fuller; more and more colourful and decorated as I use a variety of different pens, circling items and underlining in an attempt to make them stand out and help to remember. It really does resemble my state of mind and the inability to concentrate on lots of things these days.

Only last week, when we were doing our food shop I found myself stood in the fruit and veg section and for about 30 seconds drawing a complete blank. I even had a list infront of me but it was almost like I had forgotten how to read or navigate my way around to find the items. A fuzzy head that refuses to think.

It really is most disconcerting. No wonder I feel a little like a crazy person.

At the bottom of my weekly diary there is always a quote. Usually I don’t take much notice, infact I hardly ever read them. But today I noticed what this week’s quote had to say – it seemed fitting.

Yes for much of the time I feel completely defeated, in every aspect of my life, but I haven’t given up. Throughout the pain of missing my daughter I still take on life. Rebuilding continues to go on and even if there is a long way to go; I get up, I function for the most part, I go to work, I do normal everyday things. I could be so much worse and I need to keep reminding myself of that on the bad days and congratulate myself on the good.

Although my life resembles something so extraordinary I still take on the ordinary.

That quote made me feel positive; the defeat that threatens so much of our lives will only be temporary because we haven’t given up. Thank you Marylin vos Savant.


Anonymous said...

I need a list for everything too - I never did before. If I only need to do 2 things I need to write it down. I bought a diary and I write things down but sometimes I don't even remember to look in it. JMC

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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