Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Monday, 28 February 2011

Post-Baby Body

I think ‘muffin-top’ is the official phrase. The way my stomach wibbles, wobbles and squeezes into trousers since being pregnant and having lovely Anabelle.  

Despite being lighter in weight than I was before I was pregnant, my body shape has changed drastically. This is still taking some getting used to. I feel bigger than I ever have before; mainly because of the fleshy Mummy tummy that has been left behind.

Now I must be honest, I’ve done nothing to even attempt to make the muffin top go away, so really I shouldn’t complain about it. In the 8 months since Anabelle died I don’t think I’ve exercised once, unless you count ice-skating at my nearly sister-in-laws hen day. I know sit ups and hard work are required to tone back up but I’ve zero motivation to do anything at all.

So my body image isn’t great. Would the muffin top have bothered me if Anabelle was here? I think it would’ve been a much lesser extent. I would’ve had far more pressing priorities than to worry about what I looked like. I would’ve been busy being a Mummy.

I have a post-baby body without my baby. The scars of pregnancy are left behind. I realise there is the highest likelihood that my stomach will never return to what is was; it grew a baby, I’ve got a mother’s body now.

I look at photos of me from this time last year, and I look young, fresh and sparkling. I don’t think the same is true today. My eyes look older, I look aged. There are more lines, darker bags; probably from all of the tears.

Next Monday I turn 26. Jon turns 30 on Sunday.  I think both of us feel and look far older than our years, we behave it too, our life experience has made us this way.  Since our last birthdays we’ve had to grow up fast; there has been no time for immature games and light-hearted fun. We’ve had our daughter to bury, her grave to visit, her headstone to order, our horror to survive.

Old before our time? Definitely.

2 comments:

My New Normal said...

I hate that. A post baby body with no living baby. I remember shortly after having my son being out and being asked about my pregnancy. Talk about awkward. If I had been with my son in a buggy no one would have asked me that.

Hopefully the muffin tops will go and in time we will both be looking more like our former selves.

Anonymous said...

I hate it too. I look at myself and think I've aged 10 years in the last 8 months, it used to make me cry but now I don't care what I look like.

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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