After Anabelle

Last year, in my effort to cancel Christmas as much as I possibly could, cards were off the menu. I had no goodwill to wish others a Happy Christmas and no energy to torture myself writing 100+ cards from just myself and Jon when our daughters name was so glaringly absent. It didn't feel right, the greeting from our family wasn't complete. It didn't feel right receiving them either; so instead of reaching the mantel, the cards heaped in a pile on the side, and swiftly to the recycle bin on Boxing day. 

Cards of all description is something we've struggled with. I know it is not socially acceptable to write dead people's names in cards, and so until now I haven't included Anabelle's name (apart from in some very close family cards).  But each birthday card written has briefly pained me and with the whole Christmas expectations looming again so has the absolute dread of sitting there writing card after card after card highlighting the incompleteness of my family. 

So something had to change, I simply can't go around in these circles year after year. Writing her name on doesn't feel quite comfortable to us, but neither does not writing her name on and so this year we've found our solution. 

Anabelle's angel; the one engraved on her headstone, and the one her Daddy wears above his heart, has been turned into a stamp. Anabelle is going to have her place in our family greeting, not just for Christmas cards but all cards. Finally after almost 18 months I'm finding my peace with card writing and sending again, because I've found the way that feels right to me to include my baby. 

So if you are due to receive a card from us any time soon, from now on they will be signed like this; from all of us, as a family.