Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

#2: Gratitude


What are you most grateful for? 

Alexander


I am grateful for many things in my life; my family, my husband, my babies, my friends, my job, the roof over my head, the food I eat, the nice things and comfortable life that I have. OK  so I occasionally moan about where I aspire to be and not getting there quickly enough, but I know there is lots to be grateful for. 

In a nutshell, if I had to choose one thing I was most grateful for it would be that we have Alexander. 

My beautiful son saved a piece of me, when everything in my world was broken and dark, he came along and helped me to heal a little bit, turned our world upside down and a little bit back together. However desolate things seem, however low or despairing I am feeling, he is the brightness that shines through it all. There we many time when I was pregnant with him when I wondered if we had embarked on a rainbow pregnancy far too soon after Anabelle, there was lots of fear, lots of not coping; but now I wonder how I would have survived this far without him. 

I'm so grateful that he was born screaming. The most beautiful sound in the world after a long eight months. I'm grateful we were blessed with an earth child to love and cherish, the preciousness of which will never be lost on me. Even now, over 14 months later I so often look at him with disbelief, that he is here and he's mine, still sometimes barely believing we'll be allowed to keep him, knowing there is so much potential danger and disease out there that could rob him from me. He has lots of growing up left to do, lots of me keeping him safe left to do. 

Alexander is the absolute light of my life. He has taught me it OK to feel absolute joy again, that it is OK to enjoy life. That it is possible to live alongside such searing pain. He gives us a reason to look forward again and we love the adventure of life we share with him. Here is the video I made for a celebration his first year: 


We love you beautiful boy! 


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Caz
After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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