Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Friday, 11 January 2013

#6: Possessions

What possession could you not live without?

My virtual world. 

Ok, so not so much a possession, but area of my life all the same. Sounds a bit 'sad' doesn't it I guess. Or does it?  Before Anabelle died I dabbled fairly frequently on Facebook and had joined an antenatal thread on Mumsnet, but my online usage was far far smaller than it is now.  After she died I barely existed outside of the internet. I frequented the Sands forum in particular for long hours each day, among a few other places. I completely immersed myself in the virtual world.  I started blogging.

It was where I felt safe. Safer than in the 'real' world at least. It was easier there. 

Today, of course I've moved on a lot from those early frightened days. I'm immersed in the real world now, but I still spend countless hours a week on the internet. My virtual world still has a huge impact on my daily life. I often think I need to cut down on my screen time, to spend less time on my laptop or the iPad. I don't think online usage has been helped by internet coming everywhere with me now on my iPhone. It is something I'm trying to make a far more conscience effort with this year; the iPhone not being an extension of my arm! 

However my virtual world is going to remain a big part of my life. 

The connections I've made with various people in various places are real. Namely my husband! Yes Jon and I met on Faceparty (the social networking site before Facebook...) seven years ago now, pen-palled for nine months before meeting in person and as they say, the rest is history. More recently some of the people I've met in my virtual worlds I've met in real life and now consider them real life friends. 

Blogging started as my outlet, my space to organise my thoughts, process the turmoil we were going through.  It helped me to connect with other angel parents at varying stages of their own journey. After a while I wanted it to be a blog that raised awareness; broke a taboo, that is why I've always tried to be so honest with my feelings, even when, and probably especially when they are at their most raw. Over time people started to tell me that my blog helped them. Fairly regularly I'm asked if somebody can send my link to parent they know who has been recently bereaved. I always say of course.

I've been thinking about it for a while, and a few days ago I decided to start setting up a Facebook page for my blog. There will be more information to follow about this in my next post!


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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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