Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Tuesday, 19 February 2013


The last few weeks I've been thinking about how public our lives are becoming because of my blogging. I wonder at times if I was too naive in the beginning; should I have told our story anonymously instead? Have I shared too many photos in the public domain? Am I betraying Alexander's privacy especially? Have I left ourselves open for abuse somewhere along the line? Have I always been too trusting? 

The answer is probably, I guess. 

I had a bit of a shock a few weeks ago when something sparked me to google my name. No I'm not vain, it was in response to a forum thread; I certainly didn't expect  to be quite so high up in the search engine results. Somehow I hadn't quite made the link that photographs I share here would come up in google images. Somewhat naive; I'm not tech savvy. 

But how much does it matter?  

Now obviously, nothing is shared here that I don't want the world to know, or to see, otherwise I wouldn't be posting it in the first place. That is the whole point of blogging surely, a public space for sharing your story. But there was something about seeing the photos of some of our most special moments as a family in google images that left me feeling a bit, I dunno, weird. 

I think I felt weird because those images, there in google, they are out of context. Away from my page, away from where I chose to share them. 

3 Children and It  wrote a blog exploring the issue of our privacy around blogging over the weekend. Reading it today has once again sparked my own niggles of doubt I've been having with similar thoughts and feelings. After some consideration of the points she has raised I don't think I'm being unfair on Alexander by blogging about his babyhood.  I like to think my blog is becoming our family diary, something that in years to come I will read back on and remember all the special times we've shared and all the emotions we've explored.

I like to think it is something I will want to share with Xander one day, that he'll read all my 'in the moment' posts that proudly exclaim how wonderful he is and utterly know how much he was loved every single day without question. I like to think he'll read our story of grief and find within it a connection to his sister. I like to think my blog means we won't forget any of the little things over the years, because they'll be recorded here. 

Of course, my family are only babies right now, but I don't think anything here could be a source of their embarrassment. Maybe as our family gets older it is something I might have to evaluate again, but for now I honestly don't see any harm with what I'm doing. 

But there is the issue of feeling 'weird' about our photographs and google. I don't want to stop sharing my family and our photographs here. I think my blog works because we're not a faceless or nameless family. We're not just an anonymous family who lost a baby; we are Caz, Jon, Belle, Xander and Fiz. I think that is why my blog works. However, from now on, every image I share here will be watermarked, so at least if it comes up in a google search it will be linked and associated back to its original source; give some 'ownership' back to me. 


Jaqui Ball said...

My four grown-up children love the articles on our family life which I wrote for local newspapers when they were young. As you say, it's like a family diary - and the memories are priceless.

Unknown said...

Thank you for mentioning my post from earlier in the week, I hoped it sparked positive questions and not negative ones! I agree with you - it's a shame not to post photos and i will continue to do so, but with our blog name at the bottom of them...for the same reason as you. I think writing an on-line diary is a lovely thing to do and as Jaqui says above, I am in no doubt that our children will be proud when they grow up. It was more what they would think at the delicate age they are now, when everything that Mum does is an embarrassment!

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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