Saturday, 6 November 2010
Anabelle's Daddy
Jon has had a difficult week in work. This week two women brought their new babies in for a visit, another lady announced her pregnancy. These moments are just as hard for Jon as they are for me. People forget it hurts him too. From my experience on the Sands forum this seems to be true of all angel Daddies. Everyone always remembers to ask him how his wife is, Anabelle’s Mummy, but rarely does he get asked how he is coping without our little girl. It is as if people forget she belongs to him too.
Jon lost his daughter too. Jon struggles too. Jon’s heart is broken too.
Jon was excited about becoming a Daddy. He loved rubbing our Belle-bump and feeling her wriggle around in there. Jon spent time nearly every evening lying on my tummy for a little while talking to his daughter. She nearly always responded to his voice by kicking him in the face! He was so looking forward to being the person bringing his new baby into work for a visit. Jon enjoyed our shopping trips for Anabelle too – choosing her furniture, her toys. I know two of his favourite things he bought for Anabelle is her big letter “A” after we found out she was a girl and had named her and the “I love Daddy” t-shirt he spotted. Beautiful memories that now fill Anabelle’s box.
When our nieces were born he was quite scared of them. Reluctant to hold them incase (as he put it!) broke them. But with Anabelle it was so different. He cut her cord and she was placed on my chest. Then after a few minutes he just picked her up off me with such confidence and held her against his. Our tiny tiny daughter, only 4lb 5oz, and he held her in his arms with no fear at all. Anabelle was his and he was proud.
It was Jon who took Anabelle’s handprints and captured her photos. It was Jon who collected all those precious memories for us.
It is probably little realised that it was Jon infact who had named our daughter. Before we knew she was even a girl he had chosen the names Anabelle and Violet. Pretty girl names for the prettiest girl of them all. All I did was order those names and decided whether Anabelle or Violet was coming first. I just knew Belle for short was going to suit her.
Jon was there with me and Anabelle every single step of the way. He laboured with me, he cried with me, he was the best Daddy in the world to her.
Jon looked after his daughter in a way that not many men can say they have. The most important job a man can do for his child. He ensured his daughter was safely taken to her special service and to her garden. He did the job that no other person in the world could’ve done for Anabelle in the way he did. He carried Anabelle in her tiny pink coffin with love and pride because she was his. I was proud of him that day – being so strong for Anabelle. So strong for me.
Jon has remained strong for me and for Anabelle. Being Anabelle’s Daddy has shown me more than I ever knew what an amazing, strong and loving man I married. He is my rock and I love him unconditionally.
Jon loves his daughter very much and he misses her as much as I do. Please remember living without her is happening to Anabelle’s Daddy too.
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- Caz
- After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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4 comments:
Oh Caz this was so beautiful to read. I really feel for the two of you - I hope you always love and treasure each other this much and will always be there for one another and help each other share this pain.
Tasha xx
What an absolutely amazing little family you are & always will be, no matter what x
Caz, what an absolutely beautiful, eloquent and moving post. Much love to you all xxxx
Thank you all :) xx
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