Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Thursday, 30 December 2010


As of today we’ve stopped watching Eastenders for the foreseeable future. Tonight Ronnie is in labour which means the dead baby storyline is almost upon us.  We can’t watch it, it is too close and too raw, we’re not strong enough to relive the early days after Belle’s death on a television screen.    
That is not the only reason we cannot watch it though. We’ve turned it off because we already know how the storyline is going to pan out. Ronnie is going to swap her dead child for Kat’s newborn.
I’m not against a storyline focussing on baby death; handled sensitively I think it would’ve been the perfect avenue for opening people’s eyes to how life really is for a grieving Mummy and Daddy. But instead, Eastenders have chosen to go with the biggest, unrealistic, shock impact dramatization possible.
No, not surprising, to them it is all about the ratings – and this storyline will probably bring in the ratings (although I know many other people, not just bereaved Mummy’s who are turning it off too). But wouldn’t it have been nice, if just for once they had thought beyond that, and used their power for good. I just wish they understood the influence they are able to have, it is quite a huge responsibility really. I’m sure they will say they consulted with bereaved parents, talked to baby death charities in their research but I, and many other think they have come to the wrong conclusion. 
No mother I have ‘met’ on this horrific journey thought to just swap their baby for a different one to make it all better.  I’m sure in the tiniest minority of cases it has probably happened, but in real life 99.9% of mothers only want THEIR child. The thought of stealing someone else’s baby didn’t even enter their heads.  I don’t want anyone else’s baby, I want Anabelle. I’ve always wanted Anabelle.
Still, unless I can block it out, or I am prepared; sometimes I can barely be in the same vicinity as another baby without nearing panic attack stages and in 6 months I have not been able to hold another baby. I don’t want to hold another baby, I want to hold Anabelle.  The baby isn’t and can’t be Anabelle, so just keep it away from me, please don’t expect me to hold it.  The last baby I held was my own, and it is staying that way until another of our own comes along.
But I digress, what is worse is that apparently Kat is not even going to notice that the babies have been swapped! What mother does not know what her own baby looks like?  Despite what people may say babies do not look all the same and parents know their children. They can tell them apart from anyone else. From the moment Anabelle was born her face was forever imprinted on us. Both of us, Jon and I, we know what our daughter looks like.  If she was here, I would know if another baby had been put in her cot in her place. It sounds like the storyline is going to drag on for the duration with Kat thinking she has lost her baby, and Ronnie raising Kats as her own.
I can’t watch it.  Instead of portraying the reality of baby death they’ve decided to show a bereaved mother in a very poor light. And so everyone, for the record; bereaved Mummy does not equal nutter.
Of course until it is aired we cannot say for definite how it will be portrayed. But if the spoilers are anything to go by Eastenders and BBC1 should be ashamed of themselves.


Tasha said...

Caz you are an inspiration....your blog is so well written and you are completely right. I don't follow Eastenders at all but it seems a shame they chose the sensationalist route.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe some of the stupid, insensitive comments on the BBC website. And I normally hate the idea of of complaining about something I've not watched, but like you, I couldn't bear to watch this unfold. I couldn't let that level of sensationalised storyline go without comment, and I know it was probably more raw because it was due to happen on my baby's anniversary, but for the first time ever, I've been moved to complain. I'll not be watching until this horrible story is played out. I might well not go back at all.

And I agree with Tasha ^^^ You are an inspiration. Much love to you, your husband and your beautiful angel.

Caz said...

Thanks Tasha and Anonymous 23:35 :) xx

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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