Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Tis' the Season

To be jolly,.. fa la la la la….. Only I don’t feel very jolly and I’m not about to start feeling jolly anytime soon.  I know it is completely unrealistic and unachievable to cancel Christmas, but I would if I could.
Today is the first time since we’ve shared a home that we haven’t decorated it for Christmas on the 1st of December. Instead today we decorated our daughter’s garden; with a  tiny pink tree, tiny pink baubles, sparkly stars and a tiny angel.  Tomorrow I hope to add a photo for you all to see. Tonight it was too dark to take one.
Anabelle's Bauble - taken by my husband
http://imageryinspired.blogspot.com/
Originally we were not going to even bother putting up the tree in the house. What was the point? What have we to celebrate? But then I saw a beautiful glass bauble – inside was an angel holding a star. Just perfect for Anabelle. I bought it, for Anabelle’s place on our tree this year. On the back we have engraved “Anabelle Violet, Our Sleeping Angel, 21st June 2010”. We’ve since decided we’re not putting up the big tree but instead a little pink one, dedicated to our daughter. She has a pink tree in her garden, and will have a pink tree in her home. The point of putting up the tree is including Anabelle.
There are parts of this Christmas we are avoiding though. We are not sending Christmas cards. I simply do not have it in me to sit there for hours writing 100+ cards without her name on them. Her name should’ve been on them this year. Throughout our pregnancy Anabelle had already been included on our cards;  with love from Caz, Jon and Bababump, ( after we knew she was a girl and Belle). Anabelle was already included in our family greetings. Taking her name off is just too hard. She may not exist to the world but she exists to us. Leaving out a member of our family is not an option. Last year Jon bought me a card from “The Bump” – I was 8 weeks pregnant last Christmas, but I don’t get a card from my daughter this year.
Christmas Day we are not going to be joining our families. Neither of us can face putting on a face for a happy Christmas, to join in the opening of presents when Anabelle will never open any. Instead we shall spend Christmas quietly just the two of us and Fiz; we will attend church Christmas morning, we will visit our daughter in her garden, we will quietly eat dinner in our home, with Anabelle remembered and included at our table. She has a Christmas tree candle and an angel cracker to share.
So you see, we cannot cancel Christmas or even totally avoid it. Christmas is everywhere; and so we will survive it this year by including our little girl where we can. Whether she is here or not, this is Anabelle’s first Christmas.
Today we included her by making sure her garden is pretty for the festive season.

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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