Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Monday, 20 June 2011

Father's Day

I've been lucky to have been blessed with great men in my life. I have a wonderful Dad and a wonderful Husband. Anabelle and Alexander have also been blessed with a wonderful Daddy even though unfortunately my wonderful Jon has not been blessed with the same in his life. 

My Dad walking me down the aisle to Jon...
My Dad has always a constant in my life; reliable, dependable, providing endless love and support, often the calming influence in many a strife, always there to turn to and be my strength when I've needed him. Even now as a grown woman I rely heavily on my parents continuously, I'm sure they wonder when that elusive "Caroline is now totally independent" day will come, but in truth I cannot imagine a day when their input in our lives, in whatever capacity, will no longer be needed. 

I owe my parents so much and appreciate every day how lucky I am at how selflessly they've loved me and put me first. I know I can turn to them in any situation.  We know we will endeavor every effort to provide our children with the same constant in their lives, and hope one day they'll be able to say the same about us. We wish we could've done this for Anabelle.

A year ago, when Anabelle died, Mum and Dad instantly stepped into the role of caring for us. We moved in with them while we were too fragile to go home, to fragile to look after ourselves. Once again I became as a little girl and had my parents tending to us. I felt safe in my childhood home under my parents protection. They could shield me from the world when I felt so unsafe everywhere else. 

As Jon carried his daughter in his arms into her funeral, I clung to my Dad behind them. It was him who got me to the end of the aisle when all the strength in my legs had all but gone.  It was the second time in 11 months my father had walked me down an aisle; the first being my wedding day, the second being an event none ever imagined happening. 

Today we've lived through another Father's Day. A day to recognise the men who've done so much in our lives, especially this last year; my Dad, Mark (Jon's step-dad) and of course Jon personally. 

Precious Moments: Anabelle and her Daddy
sharing time together just after she was born.
Today has been so very different to Father's Day last year. Last year we were in a hospital room, at the end of labour ward.  Jon watched on for the most of the day while I was drugged up to the eyeballs on concoctions to get me into labour and spaced out on morphine. Never leaving my side, there through it all. And then at 7pm on Father's Day when I finally went into labour he supported me all the way, through every contraction and all the pain.  Instead of getting Daddy-to-be cards last year he watched as his sleeping angel daughter started to make her way for so brief a time into this world. 

Anabelle missed being born on Father's Day by 8 minutes, instead arriving as we went into the Monday midnight morning and a new day. 

This year we've had a long lie in, I gave Jon his presents from his children in bed, and he has cuddled in next to our Alexander bump to spend time with his son. We visited Anabelle in her garden, and started to make it pretty for her birthday, we've had a roast dinner and enjoyed a walk along the sea wall as the sun has set to finish today. 

Remarkably peaceful really. 

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Caz
After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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