Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

The Scan

For a split second of a moment today I froze. 

A year ago tomorrow we had THAT scan; the one that confirmed our beautiful girl had grown wings. Today we had another scan with Xander. A scan that took me into THAT room, the one where we were told Anabelle was dead. 

It was nano-seconds, but I froze, then took a deep breathe and walked in.   

I led there thinking about my daughter and thinking about the fact that I was back in that room again a year to the day with my son. I led there looking at Xander completely mesmerized by him; his little feet, legs, face, arms, hands - even little fingers! I led there and remembered the same moments we'd shared with his sister. 

Today has been bittersweet. 

Despite the hurting today (and tomorrow and for the many days in a row to come as we live through her birthday and all the other anniversaries) we got another beautiful picture of our already very cute little boy.   What has also been special today is comparing Alexander's "20 week" (although I'm 19 weeks) scan picture to Anabelle's picture - they are so strikingly similar. 

Alexander's profile next to Anabelle's is identical.  Their little noses the same shape as their Daddy - it appears Jon hold's the dominant genes! (Although their little butterfly mouths are mine!) I think Alexander is going to look a lot like his big sister. 

Anabelle 20 weeks grown!

Alexander 19 weeks grown!

But I don't want it to be tomorrow in just under 3 hours. I'm not ready for it, a whole year of my daughter being dead, I'm not ready for it to be tomorrow. 


Anonymous said...

Caroline my thoughts will be with you tomorrow I know it won't be easy I have lost a beautiful grandson and find that very hard to live with too xxx

Sherri said...

They are very similar! Two beautiful babies... I'm sorry that tomorrow is going to be so difficult, I'll be thinking about you and Annabelle. Wishing you strength and love!

Sara said...

Hey Caz, be thinking of you tomorrow and all this coming week.

Sending love.


Geves Lafosse said...

Thinking of you and little Anabelle. x

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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