Tuesday, 13 September 2011
12:17 | Posted by Caz | Edit Post
Today I am 32 weeks pregnant. The last time I was 32 weeks pregnant Anabelle had only 4 days left to live; we had no clue, the mere possibility of our daughter dying had not once crossed our minds.
We were in the middle of a getting ready frenzy after her threatened early delivery just days before. Her nursing chair had been built, the rest of her furniture wasn't going to be far behind, I was washing clothes to frantically put together a hospital bag because early delivery was a strong possibility, her room was being painted, we'd booked another visit from our pregnancy photographer.
Her last 4 days with us were so very busy when maybe I should've been paying her far more attention. Maybe I missed something. See even almost 15 months on I'm stuck in the middle of the blame game.
Today I just cannot comprehend getting past Saturday.
It feels alien to me that Alexander will outlive the age his sister was. Today I feel strange. Like I'm holding my breath, my heart feels almost stopped, waiting, stuck in a moment not daring to believe Sunday will arrive with everything still ok. It almost feels like a countdown to some sort of explosion.
In my world pregnancy stops at 32+4.
This week I really don't know what to do with myself.
- I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and little miracle Xander, Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem @bellepixelle
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Written by C.E Morgan. Powered by Blogger.