Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Friday, 3 February 2012

The Moses

The moses basket's days are numbered. Which means the cot and Alexander's own room looms ever closer. 

The date is set. A countdown to the 14th February when he will be 4 months old. You know me; I have to have a plan, something I can work towards. So we made a plan; set a date. 

I'm not ready and I know I won't be ready on the 14th. But it has to happen. The cot will not fit in our room and we've pushed the moses basket to its absolute limit. Of course he's not bothered and he sleeps beautifully in there, but he has no growing room left. The time has come. I don't know what else we can do. 

His own room; he doesn't seem big enough, my tiny boy. Although now enormous in his moses, he is too small for his own room and looks tiny in his cot. 

It terrifies me we have to move him when the official 'cot-death' advice is to sleep in the same room as parents for the first 6 months. He will only be 4 months old to the day, 3 months old adjusted age; this move is frightening me a lot. I'm getting so anxious that we are increasing his risk of SIDS and our risk of becoming bereaved parents for the second time. 

It is so comforting him sleeping next to me; being able to look up and see the green flashing light of his breathing monitor confirming he is still alive, being able to reach my hand over to feel his chest rise and fall, hearing his soft little baby snores. 

Watching him on a monitor just won't be the same. I know every morning I'll be opening the door with bated breath praying the breathing monitor hasn't failed to alarm when it should have. 

Somebody tell me this will be ok...


Nina said...

Oh poor you, of course it will be OK and you know your feelings are completely normal, even for women who haven't lost a baby previously! I felt exactly the same even though I put all my babies in their own room at 8weeks. You know the SIDS advice is very generic and you are already doing a lot of things to reduce the risk eg breastfeeding, not smoking, putting him to sleep on his back and not getting him too hot. SIDS risk starts to reduce at 4m anyway doesn't it, when they start to roll over and hold their heads up? SIDS is devastating but remember it is so rare - a lot rarer than having an angel baby. He will be absolutely fine and you may even start to sleep a bit better with him not there. xx PS Daniel is 18m now and I still sometimes go in to him sleeping thinking 'is he OK?' - it never ends!

Sam H said...

Both of mine outgrew the moses basket (which came as a huge shock with diddy Daniel) and were in their own rooms before six months as the cot stood no chance of fitting in with us. I know that you have the varying monitors in place and within a few nights you will sleep much better (as I know that first night you will struggle - as would I in your situation). The SIDS advice is great but... you have to do what works for you in your home. Big hugs lovely.

Anonymous said...

I agree and sympathise greatly. My little boy had to start sleeping in his own room at 3 and a half months for the same reason - he was a big boy & only still fitted in his moses that long because he was still swaddled, otherwise it would've been much earlier!
Guidence is great but it is also just guidence. I know nothing anybody can say will ease your worry but it does get easier & less scary as you adjust.
You're a lovely, caring mother and it is perfectly rational to check on him countless times a night(even when you know you need more sleep), turn the monitor up full right next to your pillow so you can hear his little breaths!
Hope he like his new bed & makes it a smooth transition for mummy & daddy xx

Anonymous said...

If you really want him in with you a littler longer, why not try a crib? Longer than a moses basket but nowhere near as big as a cot. If you can fit a moses basket in your room, you can almost certainly fit a crib. I got mine from John Lewis, the Anna swinging crib (they have a stopper to prevent the swinging action if preferred). This took our (big, boy) baby to 6 months in our room once he'd outgrown the moses basket at 3 months. We found it a fantastic solution to the same dilemma. Hope this helps. Much love xxx

Unknown said...

My then husband moved our son out when he was 10weeks. I was angry, but gave in. And then spent the next year checking him every time I woke up. You'll all be ok. *hug*

Olwyn said...

Aww Caz. Could you set up camp on the floor by him for the first couple of nights to reassure yourself that he's coped just fine with the move?

Susan said...

Oh dear. Sorry, you're feeling stressed about this. The thing is - what do you want people to say? Of course, lots of people will say I did this and it was fine - it is pretty rare to die of SIDS. On the other hand, my friend who lost her son at 5 months, and has just had a baby girl is unable to sleep at all and taking shifts with her husband to watch over her - I'm not advocating that, of course - just trying to illustrate how pointless it is to ask people to tell you it will be ok.

The thing is, this is all part of a much broader discussion on how you manage risk for your son. You'll need to find a way of getting to grips with that that is tailored to you. I've taken a very risk-adverse approach to vacinnes - I never want Madeleine to have chicken pox! We also arranged a private rota-virus vacinne - it kills 4 children a year in the UK. Small risk, but I couldn't live with myself knowing she wasn't protected. On the other hand, another friend of mine is convinced her daughter's death was linked to the routine immunisation programme - she died of SUDC the day after her jab - and is struggling with participating in the vacinnation programme at all with her new baby.

I personally would be relunctant to let my baby sleep in a different room from me. However, having said that, we share a bed - and that is against the advice (but I looked at the evidence and decided it was pretty weak provided I wasn't drunk, drugged etc). The risk drops a lot at 6 months, and it would also give you peace of mind if you could find a practical solution. It is only a few weeks.

Can you really not fit in the cot? Even if you move the wardrobe? The crib suggestion is a good one. Also, have you had a look at the IKEA cots - they do a basic one for £30 - they are an awful lot smaller than most cots I've seen. Or, don't know how big your second bedroom is, but if there is room, you could also sleep in there for a few weeks?

Though if you do decide to go ahead and move him, I think that's fair enough. The increased risk has got to be tiny. It is all about what you can live with.

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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