Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

A Year Since...

... my BFP! 

Last 28th February I wrote a blog about my 8 month old post-partum body. I was feeling a bit fat, wobbly a week before my birthday and feeling old (and still do) before my time; a mother's body without her baby. The ironic thing is, I wrote that post in the morning and then at dinner time that day I found out I was pregnant again! Nevermind post-pregnant body - now it was newly pregnant body!

So a year ago today we found out we were expecting Alexander, although we didn't of course know he was him yet. Another baby. And so started a ruthlessly long pregnancy; can you believe its been a year? 

I find it remarkable that this time last year he was barely a speck and today I have him sleeping in my  arms as I type. A year ago we didn't dare to believe this would actually come true, that he would come true. 

What a wonderful early birthday present he was for us both! A glimmer of a rainbow. 

Last year we were in London on my birthday. The visit in January had mostly done us both good and unsure how birthdays would feel without our Anabelle we'd decided to escape there again for March! 

So on my birthday we visited Hamley's to buy something for our new baby.  We chose a white rabbit with a blue bow; maybe we instinctively knew he was a boy! I was barely pregnant but buying the rabbit was symbolic to us, being brave, not quite hopeful but recognising our new baby, creating a memory with them. Something we could've kept forever of them if it had all gone wrong, even then. 

His rabbit was eventually packed in my hospital bag and the first toy he had with him in the cot after he was born. I must take some pictures of him with it. 

This year we are excited that we get to spend our birthdays with him. Jon as both days off; any ideas what we can do as special birthday days out with the baby? 

*sigh* It gets me thinking though. What complicated lives we lead now; being able to enjoy so much whilst hurting so much about exactly the same thing. Excited that we can have a fun day out with Xander, but sad that we only can with him...bittersweet.

But here right now for today; so thankful that my BFP a year ago is the baby in my arms! Happy 'we've loved you for  a year' day, little man! 


Waiting for Stanley and Lucy said...

A lovely post Caz :)Happy year of knowing that Xander is in your lives!

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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