Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

My Birthday

It seems almost wrong to be saying it; but I’ve had a really very lovely birthday. 

Why is there guilt involved in happiness now? There is a part of me that thinks it is somehow more appropriate to say I had a miserable birthday, after all my daughter is dead. I’m not really supposed to be happy. But the truth is I think that yesterday was the best birthday I’ve ever had.

Only one thing could’ve made my 26th birthday better and that something I can never have. Anabelle back. There is nothing I can do about it, apart from accept it. That was one birthday present that was never going to happen, the birthday family day out we’d planned once upon a time long forgotten; and so we indulged ourselves in London and my lovely Jon spectacularly spoilt me.

Yesterday morning we visited Hamley’s; and marvelled at all the toys. A big kids paradise when you’re a 30 year old man looking for a new helicopter! I enjoyed it too, was sold by the nail art kit being demonstrated and had my photo taken with the men dressed as toy soilders outside the shop.  But then for a moment, on the girls floor, surrounded by the pink and pretty things I was overwhelmed by the sadness that is always so near. We can never take an excited Anabelle to a world famous toy shop. It is always going to be there isn’t it; the daily missing out reminders.

My brother and sister-in-law spoilt us with a voucher for afternoon tea in the Georgian Restaurant in Harrods; very posh and very lovely and we finished the day off in the front row of the Apollo Victoria Theatre watching Wicked. It has only taken Jon 5 years to take me theatre, but it finished my birthday off perfectly.

It was just a really very lovely day. I can only hope the rest of being 26 will remain the same. 


coffeelady xxx said...

don't feel guilty for feeling happy. You have had many many dark days and for once you had a bright shining day.

You deserve to feel happy, you both do.

My New Normal said...

Sounds like a lovely day.

Nanny Davies/ julie said...

you and Jon deserve to have happy times and i know Anabelle would wish them for you too!

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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