Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Anabelle's Headstone

This is not the moment I expected to capture today.  I was going to take a photograph of Anabelle's rose which has bloomed over the last few days, maybe I still will later. Instead early this afternoon I've found myself taking photographs of Anabelle's headstone. 

Unexpectedly today we've heard the news that it has been put up on her garden.  We knew it was due to arrive any day now, but was expecting a phone call for us to make an appointment to see it before it reached the cemetery.  Jon phoned at dinner time to be told they had forgotten we were supposed to see it first, but that it had arrived and had been put up already. 

It is so pretty and so perfect for Anabelle, if you can say that about a headstone. 





The raw pain has hit me again.  Wow, full force in the chest.  It is aching, my heart isn't beating properly, palpitations now for over an hour, a lump in my throat and I just feel so drained. Seeing her headstone, as beautiful as it is, made it feel even more eternally real. I guess that may sound silly after very nearly 11 months. Of course I know this is our reality by now; but once again foreverness has hit, and hit hard. 

Our baby daughter has a headstone. I can't believe our firstborn child has a headstone, a grave. I feel helpless. There is nothing anyone can do to make this better for us, nobody can fix Anabelle being dead.  We cannot fix it for ourselves either, she is always going to be dead. 

And now I find myself so very scared, even more so than I already was, that our second child will join their sister too; and there is nothing anyone will be able to do to stop it happening if it is going to. I stood by Anabelle's side today completely broken that she was there instead of in my arms and so fearful that we'll be living this all over again for Bow. 




13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't think I have ever seen a more beautiful headstone. It is so fitting and so lovely. Your emotions will be all over the place now and very raw. Take care sweetheart. I know how hard it is but try to think positive thoughts about Bow. Always here for you.

Much love, Shabbs xx

Anonymous said...

I agree with Shabbs. It is beautiful. A perfect tribute for your little angel. Take care.

Love to you and your family
Lavandes xxx

Maria said...

It is beautiful!

Positiva thoughts for Bow.

Hugs
Maria

northernmum said...

Its a beautiful headstone, your blog has moved me to tears.

Happy thoughts for Bow,

j x

Caz said...

Thank you everyone xx

Anonymous said...

a beautiful headstone, we are looking for somwthing similar for our daughter xx

Andrew Desmond said...

This is beautiful....another fantastic tribute to your baby girl
x

Anonymous said...

Were did u have this made please contact me 618 253 9428

Kayla Biscamp said...

Hi, I recently lost my daughter in November. I have been looking for a headstone that would suit her.Im being extremely picky. This is the last thing I want to pick out, but I want it to be perfect. Where did you find this. Ive searched all over the internet and cannot find anything!!!

Tamara Coleman said...

please tell me who did your headstone? I am trying to find one for my angel.

Brian Wilson said...

Where did u have these made thx u..

Brian Wilson said...

Where did u have these made thx u..

Caz said...

We ordered the headstone through our funeral director, so I'm unsure from where exactly it is sourced. It is a white rose granite stone.

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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