Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Monday, 2 May 2011

A Name

Over the weekend we decided on Bow's proper name. Another special moment, knowing that in the next 6-8 weeks we should be able to give our baby their identity. Of course we've currently decided on two names; one pink, one blue.

We decided early on what Anabelle was going to be called as well. Maybe not quite as early as this; I think our final decisions for names were around the 16-17 week mark, but early too. With Anabelle I was happy to have a surprise, Jon on the other hand was desperate to know. So we bargained; we would find out for him for our first baby and have a surprise for me for our second. 

Now, pregnant with our second, a surprise is the furtherest thing from my mind. I am desperate to know who our baby is and getting increasingly impatient waiting for the moment of reveal and introduction to a son or daughter. 

When we named Anabelle at her 20 week scan many people questioned us and said that we would change our mind by the time she arrived. I knew that wouldn't be the case, we just knew that was meant to be our baby girls name. It was her identity and it was her we were bonding with and getting to know. Changing her name at birth would have made her not herself, not the her that we already knew. 

Now we have a name for Bow and I cannot wait to introduce you to him or her properly in the coming weeks. Our second child almost has an identity and that is very exciting. 

Along with the excitement comes fear. Yesterday we were thrilled because Bow's name had been chosen, today the fear has got me again. The disbelief that Bow will come home, the fear of myself not being able to do this, the fear of another tiny coffin, a grave reopened and another baby placed inside, another headstone to order. 

I always knew there would be these fears in our next pregnancy, but the engulfment is huge. I can only imagine it getting worse and wonder just how far along I will be before I completely lose all shreds of togetherness and sanity.  


Sarah said...

From all I have read you are handling this new pregnancy very bravely. I only pray that when the time is right for me, I will do as well as you. Thanks for giving me hope that someday I will want to try again. I'll be following your journey. Best wishes!

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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