Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Monday, 24 January 2011


We brought Fiz home on the 20th June 2007. Ironic really that Fiz became part of our family almost three years to the day Anabelle was born.
We’d bought our house three months previously in the March and one day Jon came home and asked if I wanted to get a kitten; somebody at his work had a litter, the mother had died and they needed homes.  I was a bit “meh” to begin with, I’d not grown up with pets and up until the day we got Fiz I really did not understand the pets being part of the family thing. But I said if you want to, and off we went to meet the kittens and choose one.
We decided we wanted one of the girls and went through a long list of pet type names until we settled on Fiz. Inspired by one of the Tweenies! Fiz suited her name from day one, she has always been a little bottle of fizzypop. But what I didn’t expect was how quickly I would fall in love with this little furball we’d bought home to be part of our family.
Fiz was tiny and only just over 6 weeks old. Because her mother had died she had only known human contact and quickly assumed I was her mother. She seemed to only want to sleep if she was snuggled against me and was always very close to our sides. Now at 3 and a half, she isn’t really that different, she still likes to snuggle up close to me to sleep; I quite often wake up with her cwtched right into my tummy, or into the crook of my arm. Fiz still thinks I’m her mother and she is most definitely my baby.
Fiz has a delightful personality. She is a little bit crazy, affectionate, playful, cheeky, answers back when she’s told off. She is an important member of this household.
When I look at Fiz now, I still see the little kitten in her that we brought home; I think she’ll always be a kitten to me.  Is that what parenting is like? Do our parents look at us and still see the tiny newborns and small children that we once were even though we’re grown now? I’m fairly sure that once your baby, always your baby, no matter how old they get.
Anabelle will always be my baby, quite literally because she was never given her chance to grow. 
We had worried how Fiz was going to react to a new baby. I’ll admit she’s been a hugely spoilt cat! We spent weeks getting her used to not sleeping in our room anymore, put down scratch pads to protect the carpets, felt guilty as she cried about not being allowed in. 
And then Anabelle died. There would be no baby for Fiz to get used to.
The not being allowed to sleep in our room anymore instantly went to pot again. Fiz is back into the habit of sleeping close to me. You see; Fiz has been a huge comfort these last seven months. There is something about a purring Fiz that is so soothing, warm, relaxing. Fiz enjoys her cuddles with me, and I enjoy my cuddles with her. Fiz makes me feel needed. Although I am under no illusion that to her I am her servant and she is very much the queen of this castle!
And so, I understand why pets are such a huge part of people’s families. There is no such thing as “just a cat” or “just a dog”. Fiz has shared in our grief, she may not understand what has happened, and that the baby she felt move in my tummy never came home. But she has been aware something has been terribly wrong, her behaviour changed. She has become a lap cat even more and seems to understand that we want her close.
I’m so glad we have Fiz. She has made our home and lives seem less empty. She’s let me mother her and smother her, she comforted us and been a welcome distraction.  I hope one day we can bring a playmate home for her, another little human for her to get used too.
But for now, I’m going to go and have a cuddle, give her some fuss, and be comforted by her purr.
I'm a big girl now!


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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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Written by C.E Morgan. Powered by Blogger.