Writing became my solace, my way to organise my thoughts, my expression of grief, my healing.
In the first year after Anabelle died some of that writing came in the form of a poem. Poems came before I blogged. The first one I wrote was the day she should've been born; her due date.
I don't even really remember writing it. In those weeks, months after her funeral. I've lost them. That summer is all a hazy blur. I know events that happened, but I don't remember living them. I was floating in a bubble; drifting from one day to the next, trying to block the sound of the world out, trying to remember how to breathe.
Then at the end of September 2010 that bubble burst and the world suddenly felt so very very noisy and I was on the floor, crushed. I could not breathe. I found myself at a counselling office specialising in pregnancy loss, not even knowing how I got there, sobbing and sobbing as the utter forever realisation of life without our little girl really started to hit. The bubble burst and this blog started.
Writing became my creative grief. Telling the story of Anabelle, our family and my grief journey.
Day 16. Capture Your Grief. Creative Grief.
Our baby girl is an angel,
How can that be?
Anabelle we had such dreams ,
For you and me.
Our baby girl is an angel,
Born on the 21st of June,
Arrived perfect and sleeping,
Anabelle was here and gone too soon.
Our baby girl is an angel,
Our first little baby born,
Beautiful angel baby,
Anabelle our hearts are broken and torn.
Our baby girl is an angel,
We miss her more every day,
We love you always Anabelle,
And wish there could’ve been another way.
Our baby girl is an angel,
Anabelle went to live in heaven,
We ache to kiss, to hold, to see her,
And things will never be normal again.
Our baby girl is an angel,
The prettiest angel you’ll ever see,
Anabelle is a Monday’s Child,
Fair of face and beautiful as can be!
Our baby girl is an angel,
We’re Mummy and Daddy to her,
Anabelle our precious baby,
Always and forever.
Our baby girl is an angel,
It seems to make her invisible to you.
But believe me, please,
Anabelle deserves your recognition too.
Our baby girl is an angel,
She is real and special and ours,
Please don’t feel awkward about Anabelle,
We need to talk about her for hours and hours.
Our baby girl is an angel,
How can it be true?
This nightmare is never ending.
Anabelle we’ll never stop missing you.
Our baby girl is an angel,
Our heartbreak will go on and on,
With each would’ve been milestone,
Anabelle this is all just so wrong.
Our baby girl is an angel,
This is the day she was due,
7th of August it was supposed to be,
Anabelle how does life go without you?
Our baby girl is an angel,
Anabelle grew her little wings,
She flew up to heaven,
And now Belle plays with beautiful angel things.
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