Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Saturday, 31 October 2015


Who am I today? 

Five years, four months, one week and three days on from the birth of my daughter, asleep. 

I'm 30. I'm a wife of one. A mother of three but a mother of two. I'm so much more than that too but my family relationships define me. These roles are where I feel truly comfortable and not all that comfortable all at the same time. I sometimes feel like I'm living parallel lives. Constantly trying to find the gentlest, more appropriate and beautiful ways to combine those lives. 

I'm a woman who feels cheated of my youth. I lost those years to grief. Ironically, I feel younger now than I have for a very long time; this good place the last few months has left me feeling so much lighter, youthful. Glimpses of the me before death coloured by life. Age 30 has been a very healing year so far. I'm beginning to like this 'me' again now. Is this the definition of our 'new normal' life?  

I guess the best most recent self-portrait of myself is this post. And so I'm going to finish this short post today and invite you to read or re-read the post called 'The Decade I Called My Twenties' - I wrote it in April not long after my 30th birthday, a reflection of some the happiest and the hardest time decade of my life so far. 


Bereaved Mother. Rainbow Mother. Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all love. 

Day 27. Capture Your Grief. Self-Portrait. 


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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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