Our beautiful baby daughter Anabelle was born sleeping June 2010.
Blessed with the screaming arrivals of our gorgeous rainbow sons,
Alexander October 2011, Zachary November 2013 and Lucas July 2016.

After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows
Heartbreak. Joy. Death. Life. But most of all Love.

Saturday, 3 October 2015

In Honour


Anabelle Violet Morgan 

I'm doing this project in honour of her. The empty space in my life. The silent baby that left the loudest noise. Grief is noisy. All consuming loud. So this babyloss awareness month, capturing grief is for her. An unapologising opportunity to #saytheirname, say her name. My Belle, my Anabelle Violet. 

Anabelle who set the precedent for our naming 'rules'. A long name that could be shortened to a cute short name. A middle name for any girl that would be a flower or plant. A middle name for any boy would be a family name. 

Anabelle. And the moment my life irreparably changed in a way I never expected. Where grief became my normal and death infiltrated all of my being.  Where immeasurable shattered pieces of life learnt to live again. 

The journey After Anabelle has been long, but short, slow, but fast, so painful, but so joyful, so black, but so colourful. It has been so many contradictions, a life of two extremes that somehow learn to meet in the middle. 

It is a life in honour of her. Living, determined to live, even when I didn't believe I could, didn't know I could.

The journey After Anabelle keeps evolving, keeps changing, keeps learning. It is healing and still has so much left to heal. It is this. 


A is for the Angel she is to me.
N is for the Night I let her free.
A is for the Agony that followed us there.
B is for the Beauty I couldn't bear.
E is for our Earth life without her, joy mixed with pain.
L is for the Love, to the moon and back again. 
L is for the Light we thought would never appear. 
E is for Everything, the darling girl we keep near. 

V is for the Victory of finding the surviving strength. 
I is for her Inspiration, all she achieved without ever taking a breath. 
O is for number One, our precious firstborn. 
L is for the Lost life and lost dreams, a lost heart torn.
E is for the Eight minutes past midnight she arrived with us. 
T is for just how Tiny the 4lb 5oz she was. 

M is for Mehefin, her month of the year.  
O is for Ohana, her place in our family. 
R is for the Rainbows that came after her.
G is for our Goal of creating a beautiful life. 
A is for Always, remembered by right. 
N is for New Normal, the way it is now. 

In Honour. Capture Your Grief. Day 3. 

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After Anabelle - Raising Rainbows. I'm Caz, Mummy to beautiful angel Belle and my wonderful rainbow boys, Xander, Zachy and Luc. Wife to Jon. Twitter @cazem Instagram @cazzyem
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