After Anabelle

I hated her absence on our greeting cards as much as I hated her absence in our world. Something as small as writing names on birthday cards, congratulations cards, christmas cards felt like a physical punch in the stomach. It didn't feel 'socially acceptable' to write Belle's name on our cards but neither did it feel acceptable to me not to write her name on our cards. Back in those early days receiving cards without her name on was just as gut wrenching. 

That first year we didn't send many cards and I completely boycotted Christmas. I just couldn't do it. I hadn't yet figured out how to do cards. 

Then her second Christmas I had this stamp made. Her angel. It felt just right; being able to include her beautifully. It became our way of writing her name in our cards without writing her name in our cards; bridging the gap between the societal norm and what I needed to do for us. 

Unfortunately that stamp is already suffering from wear and tear. Today I use it less and less for fear of it breaking completely. These days I mostly write Belle's name into our cards; I realise for some that will make them uncomfortable but even in her absence she is part of this family and our love and best wishes is extended as a unit. 

You see there is nothing normal about your baby dying; but everything we do in grief is normal and necessary. Continuing to include Anabelle in our cards for me is necessary. 

Day 12. Capture Your Grief. Normalising Grief.